Normal kids go to bed excited for what the day may bring tomorrow

I go to bed dreading the day ahead because I know what’s coming

In the morning they rush out the door laughing and chatting with their friends

As I step on to the street the usual cloud of loneliness hits me in the face and as I count my steps I try to tell myself today would be different..

today the joke will finally be old

they’ll forget

everything will be ok

today might be my day… but as I step through the long grey gates I realise it was all a mistake.

They stand there watching me, laughing and chatting but not with each other but at me, they stroll over and every day repeats itself instantly in a flash.

Pushing, shoving and kicking.

Its not the blows they aim at me nor the way they drag me around that hurts me, not even when I see the dark marks they leave on me and the scabs and scars printed on my knees. They eventually fade away.. the marks that once stood so strong and dark actually go away but the words always seem to stay.

No one understands that words can hurt over kicks and punches and being thrown in dirt..

the bitter phrases, the judgement I take.. it builds up like a wall of hate. Surrounding me forever and never leaving me be. Always coming back on me. Forever circling me.

When I close my eyes I see the lonely days, the abuse and I feel myself drowning.. drowning in this dark pool, where nobody wants to know my name and no one is there to know what I’m feeling on the inside. I am head under and I cant seem to see the light, everything is just a wheel of darkness waiting for me to give in….

To stop trying to find this light that never seems to want to be found, to stop trying to swim in this ocean of hatred and sadness.

I try to stay afloat for the few people who love me and tell me ‘it’ll be ok’ but it’s getting harder.. I keep falling in deeper and deeper.. a blindfold of hate forever capturing me, blinding me from acknowledging  the small part of warmth that kisses me called love.. and I cant see past it.. I can feel my grip loosening.

The few memories I had once upon a time when I knew what happiness was flash before me.. the smile I once wore.. and the sound of laughter I once owned.. I can see them as i find it harder and harder to breathe.. i was happy..

but was was a long time ago and ive tried to kid myself for long enough now ‘it will get better’ ‘todays a new day’ everyday i moved a little closer.

closer and closer till i was at the edge, but now i cant hold on any longer.. there is a place for me, a place to live in peace and serenity. A place that i could really feel safe, a place i could know myself and most importantly a place i could be free  and so i let go………………

***

Every Year 3.2 million students fall victim of bully’s.

Everyday 160,000 teens skip lesson to find their safe haven away from bullying.

In 2014 6,581 people committed suicide in the UK and Ireland and Each year nearly 30,000 American’s take there lives.

On average 1 person commits suicide every 16 minutes..

Lives are taken away from innocents every day, people who have been given life have decided to end this so called ‘gift of living’ because of BULLIES. Those people who enjoy life by snatching away the enjoyment from other’s, those who hate instead of love.

Hate is a fire that can destroy friendship and relationships and burn down the will to live for people.. and it needs to be stopped.

Many people face these tough times alone, they’re drowning in the darkness.. you can help turn on the light for those people by spreading awareness to bullying and making a stop.. will you help?

Published by Sareena Khan