When I was younger  perhaps a twain dozen and four
Your fire, my love for your presence was a rage

Coveting your presence more than my daily bread
I do wake up with  a song in my heart from a beautiful smile
We do share joke and then I realize most days I woke up smiling
We do share secrets and communication was inhibited
At every given turn, your love and presence was evident
Smiling became my second nature, you refreshes my soul
I had no care in the world, we sang together in unison of heartbeat
Thy word was a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path
I remembered curling up at the backyard just enjoying your presence


Your love letters spread on my hand, such a delight I couldn’t get enough of
Which reminds me of an incident when your earthly parent were looking for you
They’d look around for me too, I feel connected in a way and I do like to give them a reply as you did
Which I never did, I just stare at them. Not speaking a word but angry at the disruption of our communion
Our communion, a heavenly bliss
I was careful not to grieve you in any way
I remembered my prayer life was vibrant, I was a bright halogen lamp
Church was a bonus for I was truly your disciple 7 days a week
And I do repent instantly I realized you weren’t please with my action
Hope, peace and your joy flood like my heart to overflow
I was in love  with you even though you first love me
But I was willing to try my best to reciprocate
I’d try, I believe I tried


But then something happened, I simply can’t recollect
Maybe because of the unanswered prayers, or perhaps the unfulfilled promises
I had actually being close because I have being seeking the gifts and not the giver of the gifts
I became offended; I was tricked into believing I could do without you
My heart sync with your presence became undesirable
Reading your love letter became an inconvenient chore
My love for you chilled below minus a hundred deep down
Dark cloud of Doubt began playing double checker inhibited on my mind; a wolf cry
I became withdrawn to your presence without an inkling of notice
My smiling demeanor changed, I became a licensed grumbler and worrier
I could tell a lie without blinking, my conscience seared with  a hot iron
Foul and unwholesome talks became order of the day
I blindly allow myself being led by the world and its disguise enticements
You’d try to draw me back but I wouldn’t listen, I just had to have my way


Preacher man, help me I pray sometimes; a heartfelt cry i screamed
But now here I am with my bag and luggage of shame
Little things irritates me these days, a shadow of my happy self
Oh please don’t drive me away cos I have lost t my way; the way, your way
I do sobs many night when sleep eludes me
Just yesterday that looks like everyday
I had it all but now it’s all gone, where are you? Where can I find you?
Lord I am tired of repenting over and over and over again
I have had myself spent emotionally, physically and spiritually

 

I have no energy to bring myself out of this mess, I am burn out
Send your fire, spread your love abroad my heart once more
Make a way lord, a  forceful innocent spring in the desert
Send your rain afresh, for I still have the faith that you are the God of second chance
And perhaps a third or fourth chance if I am no more eligible for the second chance
To deliver me from this strong cords that tangle me at every turns
O my redeemer! Turn me not away from your presence
with a surrendered hands and heart
I am standing close to the door, just a faint wisp of your knock and I will open
Renew me, restore me, refine me, and rebuild me for I am ready now

© D'Dream 2016

 

Published by Immanuel Olaleye