I didn't grow up a pastor's daughter.  But I am one now.

My Dad was called to ministry at some point in my high school career and he completed that process with ordination while I was in college.  He took his first (and only) church my senior year.  

I, myself, had gone to school for ministry (though, not to be a pastor).  And I was so excited for him throughout the whole process.  My husband and I lived out of state for awhile but eventually moved closer to home.

Within an hour's driving distance of the church he pastored, we often found ourselves there on Sundays (and other times).  Eventually, we relocated to the area to be more involved in the church.

But no one prepared me for how hard it is to be the pastor's daughter.  Yeah, I've read articles about how hard it is to be raised as a PK (Pastor's Kid), but there aren't many articles out there talking about how difficult it is to be a grown pastor's kid.  And I wish more people understood.

So here are my top 3 reasons why being a grown PK is hard....really hard.

4. We do a lot.  We fill in whenever there is a need.  From proofreading newsletter articles to leading prayer on Sundays to anything and everything in between.  We're there.  When Dad took a call to ministry, so did we.  Don't get me wrong, most of the time, this doesn't bother me, which is why it's low on the list.  But it's a lot harder to say no when it's your own family.  ;)

3. We sacrifice family time quite a bit.  I remember as we planned our vacation this year that we were also making plans for the potential of my dad to return home quickly because it looked like a funeral was imminent.  As we left, we were completely prepared for him to not be there the entire week, for him to miss out on my daughter's first time at the ocean.  This is normal for us.  Plans change last minute.  People get sick.  People die.  And my dad is there.  Which he should be.  But just because you should do something doesn't mean that it's easy.  

2. I'm afraid to have a say.  I feel like everything I do is looked at through the lens of "oh, she's the pastor's daughter."  I don't want to be handed anything on a silver platter.  And I don't want people to think that I get things or want to get things that way.  When I have a heart for a certain ministry or for the way things should go, I want to be able to express it without any judgement.  I don't want special treatment.  And I don't want you to ignore me.  Just treat me like anyone else.  Please.  I always feel like I'm walking on egg shells...  Even with some of the people I have been closest to.

1. People leave.  And I wish it got easier.  But honestly, I think it only gets harder each time.  It doesn't matter if they leave on good terms or bad.  It doesn't matter if they went to another church or just moved out of state.  It hurts.  Bad.   You form friendships and bonds - these people become like family.  And then for one reason or another, they leave.  Sometimes you see it coming and sometimes you don't.  But each time it's like a slap in the face.  I've caught myself building walls because I'm so terrified of losing another close relationship, of hurting and grieving again and again.  It seems like a viscous cycle that never ends.

I know everyone else has things that are difficult.  I'm certainly not special in any way.  But sometimes a girl just needs to vent.  Sometimes I need to not be okay.  Sometimes I need a moment of transparency so that I don't feel like I'm bottling everything up.

Thank goodness that God can handle the mess that I am.  I am beyond thankful for the life He has given me and for the people He has surrounded me with.  I love my church, the people who are in it, and the people who have left.  When I catch myself focusing on the negative, I stop, pray, and sing....

"The joy of the Lord is my Strength!"

Sometimes I feel better in an instant.  Other times, I have to soak in that truth for awhile before it sinks in.  But eventually, His joy is victorious and my flesh crumbles at the light His joy brings!!



Published by Bri Sherman