We all love eating out or for the lazy ones like I, ordering in on a slow sunday afternoon. Kudos those of us who have the strength to strap on your favourite pair of shoes most of which they can barely walk in after an hour or two or the tiniest of dresses/skirt or a plunge that makes you look like you are playing push and pull with your garment or confusing your server as your twins are popping out. You walk into the 'fancy' restaurant like the world is your runway besides, all those episodes of America's next top model shouldn't go to waste.

Someone greets you at the door and offers you and your friends a table but you wait till they have finished setting the menus down before you shout 'can we get a booth?' despite you realising it is a busy night. The manager throws daggers at you but politely smiles while murmuring 'ofcourse' even though it's only 3 of you and the booth covers 6 or more. Before you even sit down you demand some water and like all millenials you proceed to taking selfies, updating snapchat, checking in and whatever it is you think is so important that even after your server comes to your table 3 times to take your order, you retort 'we haven't even looked yet' and shamelessly ask 'can you take pictures of us?' The server torn between rushing to her other tables and her manager nudging her to do a quick service with you as there is a booking on the booth after 2hours, quickly taps on your phone after you give her instructions; 'just tap on this button' as if assuming she has never been in contact with your badly damaged iphone 5. She hands you back your phone and you quickly scan through the pictures while complaining how she didn't capture your good side.

The restaurant gets busier and as she is running up and down you ask for more tap water and giggle when she asks if you are ready to order. Barely 2 minutes after, you call the manager demanding that you order since you are starving, your server comes by and without even making eye contact you order a side of fries and one pizza to share with another bottle of water with lemon and ice. 5 minutes after you stop every server who passes by asking when your food will be ready and when it finally does come you ask for every condiment you can think of. Your server comes for check back and you being all posh and whatever you give her a forced smile and continue cutting into your chip like it were steak. Half way through your buffet, one of you shouts for a manager and complains that you ordered a chicken burger and not pizza. The manager apologises for the 'inconveniences' and since chicken takes a while to cook offers you complimentary drinks while you wait.

Your chicken burger is brought by the manager so he can handle any more mishaps but you say everything is okay' but when he brings over the bill with a grin to explain that he put half price on your meal, one of you retorts 'that chicken was horrible'. He takes a closer look as the only thing left on the plate is breadcrumbs to which you quickly explained that 'we only ate it because we were hungry and need to go'. You go ahead and tell him 'the waitress was rude and that she had no manners'. The manger takes the meal off your bill and offers you a voucher to come back another day.

You walk out with a grin while thinking of new ways to make the next restaurant on your list bend to your will.


Till next time beautiful people, stay fabulous.

Published by Brenda Bogonko