Daddy issues -  myth, another offensive word for a girl or a real thing?

Have you ever heard some guys saying for a girl that she has daddy issues? Well, people usually connect daddy issues with sex, BDSM kind of (kinky kinky kinky kind of, 50 Shades of Grey kind of). That got me thinking - are daddy issues really just kinky intercourse or is there more? 

I googled daddy issues and firstly, I got definition from Urban Dictionary (click here for definitions).

As you can see, all those definitions describe daddy issues as something that makes girl kinky in sexual way/an excuse for calling girl a slut or some kind of issues girls have because of dysfunctional relationship with her father. 

According to psychologists, it's kinda true. It depends, to be precise.

Some girls express daddy issues by being emotionally unavailable for guys, some have low self-esteem, insecurity issues, self-silencing in relationships, misbehavior, but there are way worse things such as drug abuse, teen pregnancy and promiscuous behavior.

How are daddy issues developing?

Usually, development of daddy issues is connected with absence of father and/or dysfunctional relationship between daughter and father. Mostly, it happens in divorced families but there are cases where the family is together but daughter and father just don't function because of father traveling a lot, for example.

I'm sure some of you heard for the theory that connects daughter's choice of partners with her father. Some researches have shown that daughter will rather choose someone who behaves like her father (or has the same habits, same issues, same or similar job etc.). All those things happen unconsciously and girls usually explain their choice with "I don't know, there is something special about him". Also, that's one of most usual signs of daddy issues. I'm sure everyone has heard for case where daughter of an alcoholic married the guy became/who turned out to be an alcoholic, or where daughter whose father bullied her while she was a kid, married the guy who bullies her as well. 

Researches have also shown that children are stressing over their father's opinion more than their mother's and they tend to impress their father, to feel his acceptance and to make him proud. When they asked teenagers what would they like to change in relationship with their father, they said they'd like him to be more open with them, not to be feel uncomfortable when they're talking about relationships and 80% of them said they'd like to have better communication with their dad.

Daddy issues is, as you can notice, well-researched topic. Researches began in early 80s, when psychologists wanted to check if Freud's theory is true - they wanted to check if his theory of Oedipus complex was true.

Oedipus complex is related with growth of our libido and growing up in general. According to Freud, a child (3-6 years old) unconsciously develops sexual attraction to its opposite sex parent (i.e. males are attracted to their mothers, females to their fathers). It happens in the third phase of psycho-sexual development. Daddy issues will develop if a child or, better said, child's libido, doesn't get out of that phase.

Then, in late 80s researches continued. One of the most trustworthy theories (or the most popular one) was the lipstick theory - if father said that his daughter can go out wearing bright red lipstick that was the sign she'd have normal relationship, without any issues. But, if father forbid bright red lipstick, that meant his daughter would have some serious issues in relationship such as self-silencing, low self-esteem etc. In other words, if father said yes to the lipstick, his daughter would have better sexual development than the daughter whose father forbid the lipstick and that way arrested her sexual development.

It seems weird that one lipstick can change so many things, don't you think so?

Anyway, I think that everything started because we don't know our fathers well (I'm speaking in the name of all girls with daddy issues - yes, I'm one of them). We keep idealizing them, thinking they are perfect. I think it's true when they say that daughter's first love is her dad. But then, when we realize they don't live up to our expectations, daddy issues start to develop. And then, those issues make us search for the perfect partner who doesn't exist, which leads to that so-called promiscuous behavior. What actually happens is that girl keeps on changing her parters thinking that she'll find the perfect one. She ends up being called names and humiliated just because she wants her Prince Charming. Don't we all?

 

 

Published by Anya G