It's day two-hundred and sixty of being twenty five.
 
  We're already 260 days in out of 365. Wednesday marks the first official day of fall of here in the United States, and Mercury, God bless the mess, is still in retrograde for a while.  They say Mercury Retrograde is the perfect time to focus on renewal, release, reevaluation - anything with a re in front of it. Redo. I've been feeling that that's the recurring theme of this year I'm experiencing, however.
  It's been a year of "going for it," letting go, trying, getting close to throwing in the towel. I've almost given up completely tons of times, then give myself yet another chance to begin again. A quick note on chances: there are no limits on the chances we allow - for ourselves, and even for others. When it comes to our relationships with others, however, we become unexpectedly harsh with the chances we give out: "Okay, you have one chance to get this relationship right with me. Screw it up once and really mess up, and we're done. And I won't come back, by the way." I've definitely been that girl -  far more than once. I've given the same person about ten different chances, too, and still caught myself saying the same thing.
  I shudder thinking of that, and I found myself pondering this heavily while I stared at myself in the mirror holding a kettle bell weight between both hands, balancing on an upside-down bosu ball. It's a not-so-lazy Sunday at the gym. And I haven't stepped foot into one for about two years, admittedly because hot yoga took over my interests more than having a membership somewhere to continually lift weights.
  But there's more of a reason I'm here, why I'm back; I'm here because my knee needs it. My body is important. I'd been lacking in my own physical self-care and strength. I came back to the gym to better myself; gain strength physically first, which will then translate into emotional strength. 
  I start doing squats on the bosu ball, thinking about all of this renewalreleasereevaluation - and then ask myself why I had put off getting back to the gym for so long. My most recent knee surgery was done back in June, and I kept promising myself I'd return to a gym as soon as possible for weight traning to keep the mobility and strength present in my left knee. 
  I don't know why it can take 100 tries to "get it right" and that goes for anything: committing to my physical and mental well-being; getting a relationship "right" with someone I loved. I don't know why fears and bad habits resurface every time I got back into a relationship. And standing there trying to answer my own "why's," I realized, do more harm than good. The ego mind will continually pick at and analyze every single piece of what we've thought we've done wrong, blow it out of proportion, and send us even deeper into a tunnel of what feels like hopelessness.
   So I gave myself another limitless chance. Begin again. Choose again. And in the end - or ever, really - we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves to begin with. There's a quote by one of my most favorite authors, Marianne Williamson, who said that we as people take ourselves too seriously, yet we don't take our lives seriously enough. I agree. I now see what she means by that. And that's why I decided to take these final one-hundred-and-five days left of 25 very seriously - without judging myself.
   Two hundred sixty days in. I've loved a lot. I've lost a lot. I've gained a lot. But there is still the chance to re-evaluate what's happening. To see if the choices I'm making now are repeating my past or building a better future. 

  The limitless chances. Perhaps we need to start extending these to ourselves generously - and to others, too. 
   

 Editor's note: When I started my self-writing project and video series on Being 25, I wasn't truly sure it would really turn into a "thing."  I didn't know that writing would serve as my solace for one of the wildest years of my life,  and through extending my vulnerability on my experiences, that it would reach out to the hearts' of others as well. Through my experiences, I hope to shed light on a unique perspective of growth while I embark on this "personal journey" of mine.

Published by Dani Savka