Lately, one of my longtime girl friends and I have been exchanging lengthy text messages back and forth, openly documenting our post-breakup experiences with our former boyfriends. We thought we had found a couple gems of guys who were  definitely relationship-material...until they left us - both physically and metaphorically. Naturally, my gal pal and I were both incredibly confused, didn't receive any closure from those guys. We were hurt. We were lost in the translation of love and relationships.. and we felt...well, I hate to say it, but heartbroken.

 If you couldn't tell, we're discussing  heartbreak (aka heartache) today - a term that causes so much eye-rolling when we talk to friends or family or even strangers about it. Why? 'Cause it's a word that's associated directly with drama and despair. And, unless you're a full-blown drama queen, nobody has time for that. 

   It's a word that tends to make others flinch when we mention it. Why? Maybe because the feelings of...heartbreak are real. It's a relative feeling that we've most likely experienced at some point in our lives before. We may deny it, but we know what's real beneath the surface. My heart has broken probably a thousand times since I've been born - and I think we forget that hearts can be broken in completely different forms - not just by some guy or girl who left us. My heart breaks when those adopt-every-abused-dog-ever-commercials come on television. My heart shattered when I saw my dad in his casket at his funeral; that was the first time I had seen him since last Christmas, after he was paralyzed from the waist down from his cancer treatments. My heart broke yet again when I saw a guy I dated leave a public place with his new girl. And it breaks every time the news announces yet another shooting or violent massacre in our country and world. 

 What I'm getting at is that heartache happens. It's an extension of grief, and grief is an aspect of the natural process of life. We deny those feelings and stuff them down with glasses of wine or drugs or sex or anything else distracting because we do not want to feel that pain. We do not want to feel uncomfortable, alone, despair. Maybe some people need to numb the pain because they're afraid of what lies beyond it. I mean, it's scary as hell when you've felt broken for months and it seems like nothing is pulling itself up just yet. Maybe we forget that we can actually become far more unbreakable if we choose to be okay throughout the discomfort. 
  
 Feelings are human, you guys. After all, I believe we are souls just captured into finite, physical human bodies. We aren't here to grace the planet with our presence for very long... but my challenge to you is to move through the experience of heartache. Not ignore it.
  
I wish I could give you a five-step guide to healing heartbreak ASAP and just get over it, but the truth of the matter is you can’t. Can anyone really heal themselves of such an existential ache within 24 hours? If so, email me and talk to me. I’ll wait. 

But on the other man, it doesn't matter the form in which we experience it - heartbreak is heartbreak. The spectrum of human emotion is so vast, varying between different degrees of different feelings, involuntarily fluctuating, changing.  I know a lot of magazines fill their covers with "TEN WAYS TO GET OVER YOUR EX!" or, "FOLLOW THESE 5 STEPS AND YOU'LL NEVER FEEL HEARTBREAK AGAIN!" Excuse my French, but let me call bullshit out on all of that. There is no magical guide to get over those thoughts of rejection or loneliness or grief. But there are ways to move through it.

 I'm no doctor or psychotherapist, but I do trust my intuition. And my intuition has always nudged me to start getting myself out there again - even if you don't want to. This has been the easiest way to cope with loneliness or feeling like your long lost twin flame is never coming back. Get out there. Go grab coffee with a gal or guy pal or ask someone if you can talk to them about what's on your mind.    

  I can't  give you reasons why things happen the way they've happened - why a loved one died so soon. Why the guy stopped talking to you one day after his movie was picked up and no longer wanted a relationship with you (ahem). Why some friendships are demolished by sudden backstabbing or different interests. It isn't worth spending a lot of time figuring it out - because that's part of the process. Take care of you, first and foremost. Maybe a certain someone is no longer in your life, maybe things have felt unbearable at times, but it's not an excuse to forget whose skin you’re living in. We’re here for you. And mostly, learn to be there for you.

 

Published by Dani Savka