Every memory from the last year until now has been very vivid. I find myself physically in a different place. More accepting of what’s happening within me and around me. And somehow, a strange theme for being 25 this year has involved a lot of, well...relationships. Not many, actually. But I'd say I'd hopped back onto the midtwenties dating train sooner than I expected. And let me tell you I've made my share of mistakes, but I'm figuring out what I want, and I've learned a lot from the last guys I've dated. 

I digress.

It isn’t right nor wrong to be in a relationship with somebody or choosing to be single. When it comes to love and romance, we have a choice of the part we want to play in. Or maybe we’re a little more on the wild side and find contentment with casual dating / the occasional “fling.” I've found that some potential partners are more intimidated by that "wild side" a girl can have of not wanting to belong to anyone but herself - and if she so chooses to be with someone else, it's frowned upon. But wanting a solid relationship with someone who truly becomes your partner for the long run is completely okay, too. The same goes for being asexual, as there are those who want to focus solely on themselves without possible distraction of another person's drama, antics, or behaviors (and hey, I don't blame you).

 I do feel that we do need to quit auditioning a potential suitor when we first cross paths – why do we sit there ans play 100 questions with a stranger we barely know? I think you could find out everything you really need to know about someone by observing them. Watch how they handle animals and how they verbally (and physically) respond to people around you. At the same time, know the difference between judging your partner or criticizing them versus taking something they say as a red flag. 

 There are also those weird relationships that make complete sense to you, but you try to explain it to your friends, and they look at you like you've suddenly  turned into Demagorgon from Stranger Things (sorry, I really needed to make that reference). These kinds of relationships may associate with that of  star-crossed lovers who seem to cross paths over and over again no matter how many times one may pull apart from the other. Having been well-experienced in that parallel universe kind of chase (ever see Comet on Netflix?), I can say that after having had a “thing” with the same person at various points of time to the point where we were like, “Okay, fate or the universe has a hand in throwing us together, so let’s just try it out “ – but it doesn’t always work out for the best. In some cases, it does, don't get me wrong.

 When things don’t work, who’s to blame? It’s no one, really. It’s two separate entities who were joined romantically, intimately, emotionally, et cetera. And these two entities are souls in the form of physical human bodies - each with their own distinct beliefs, values, thought patterns, problems, interests...the list goes on. Sometimes it's an ego (fear-based projections or thinking) that get in the way. And while the chemistry can be incredibly strong with a sturdy bond, being in the relationship runs the risk of being hurt.  That's what happens when we're vulnerable and  choose to be completely open-hearted and join into partnership with someone we want to be physically and emotionally intimate with. That takes a lot of balls and a lot of courage.

  And after we've separated from a loved one who totally got the best of us (or the worst of us) and we're left, well, single, what do we do? 

 Easy. Choose to let it go. Feel the sadness, go cry, go throw paint on your walls and pretend you're Picasso and care about absolutely nothing else in this cold world except your art and ONLY your art (I actually don't recommend that one if you're living in an apartment. Just thought I'd be spontaneous).
  But, real talk, let it go, then take care of yourself again. I've tended to lose myself a little bit in past relationships. By that, I mean that I've found myself reflecting on "what went wrong" a while later, and what was missing was prioritizing my core values, commitments, and beliefs. Don't  adjust those for someone else's praise or approval. And don't water yourself down if you're afraid you're too much for someone else.

  I believe each of our life purposes here on earth involve living our best lives being our authentic selves and expressing who we truly are without living under others' judgments, confinements, or beliefs. Your values and priorities and self care deserve your time. After all, the only person you've got at the end of the day is you - even if your lover gets to sleep next to you in bed. And I believe in you expressing your true self - whether you're in a relationship or not.

 

 

Published by Dani Savka