I like you exactly as much as you won't freak out. - Anonymous

Are you all ready for the next installment in this series?  If you're new to my blog - whattup!  

And I like to blog about beauty, fashion, lifestyle and "Being Brown".

I recently had a friend tell me that some of my blogs describing relationships didn't portray the "norm" that is the dating world for the average millennial.  Naturally my response was, "yea right!"  I completely understand the whole struggle that is dating in a technologically infused, social media driven society, and how hard it is to sift through so many 'profiles' in order to find someone you can have a real conversation with.

I have made it past that explosive mine field that is dating in the Bay Area, and today I can blog about how happy I am in my relationship.  While I know a lot of people are still trying to find that, I can admit that I am beyond blessed with the most gorgeous Ginger bearded man now, but I also know the truth is I had to date a lot of frogs in order to get there.

Today's story goes out to Wardell (yes, I purposely change the names of these men to protect their identity.)

Swipe left. Swipe left. Left. Left. Left... Left.. Oh..mmm.. He doesn't look that bad in his pics.  Eff it, why not.  You're never going to meet anyone if you keep swiping left. Swipe right.

To be completely honest, I don't remember much of the conversation or the small talk but we went on our first date.

When I saw him, he was shorter than I expected and he didn't look quite like his pictures.  I didn't know exactly how I was feeling, but Wardell seemed to have a fun and spontaneous personality, and he seemed more into me than I thought he was.  We had good conversation, and made plans to go out again fairly soon after that.  That next outing was also pretty uneventful, and I didn't quite know what to make of the situation.  I was going to write the prospect off, and then the third date brought about it a game changing decision.

As the night went on, I got to see Wardell's creative side as he danced to this techno/house/EDM DJ at Audio Discotech.  While at the club, he taught me how to shuffle on the dance floor and happily joined other groups as they were dancing to the music.  Later that night Wardell was winding down, and as we were chatting he proceeded to tell me about his past relationship, and why he's on the dating market today.  He told me that she was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen, and he thought they would get married.

As I watched the hesitation creep up on his, all I could think was, Eff.  Do I want to know what he's about to say?  He then opened his mouth to continue.

Wardell shared details of the arguments that lead to their breakup, the escalation of the fight, and all the things that he did to try to get her back after they broke up.  He then told me the root cause of the issue.  In my head I was screaming, RUN!, but my heart forced me to stay because I knew he was in a vulnerable position and was trying to be honest with me.  The details of the situation aren't important, but as he shared with me how he treated his ex-girlfriend, I knew I didn't want any part of what he was trying to sell.

As I slowly started to "friend-zone" him, he caught on, and decided to draft me a very long email explaining to me, why I was not good for him.  Brace yourselves people, it's about to get real.  Here is what I was told...

Hi Vaishali,

I hope this message isn't received too seriously. I'd rather tell you straight up - instead of do what most people do which is disappear or say nothing.

I want to let you know that I'm no longer interested in you. You are not a waste of time, however, you are a waste of time for me. If I could start off my first 3 outings/experiences with every new girl I am interested in, exactly as you and I did the first full week of 2014, I would be pretty happy.

I wanted things to continue as they were because I felt finally that I had met a girl who would prove to be very special to me and would naturally make me feel like I have no interest in any other girl.

But since we last saw each other, you pretty much have not done a single thing to - I was going to say to "make" me like you more, but I think I should say to Let me like you. It's a matter of relevance. Thinking of when we spent some time together now seems like an obnoxious, different world to me. I've had so many wonderful great times since we last saw each other and I wonder "what? why the heck have we not spent even a single hour hanging out? We don't even talk to each other?" And I think I know the answer why...

I think you are cool. I think you are sharp. I think you are unique. I think you are smart. I think you are gorgeous and I use that adjective rarely, only for a certain type of lady. But going back to you being cool... I'm not being sarcastic when I say this...but I think you are too cool for me.


I honestly had zero idea that I could generate this type of a response after less than 3 dates, so I had re-read the email.

"... I think you are too cool for me." If I hadn't been at work reading this email, I would've hit up one of my girlfriends, verified that I wasn't crazy, and then asked, Yo..wtf?  

The truth of the matter was that Wardell was selling something I had no interest in purchasing.  After spending some time with him, understanding where he was coming from, and trying to imagine a future with him in it, I had decided that this choice was not the choice for me.  He's not to blame, and neither am I.  In my opinion, no one ruined it.  While one person saw compatibility, the other, simply did not, and that is completely okay.

While his response left me a little confused, I also was able to see that this was his coping mechanism.  He needed to find closure in a situation that never blossomed, and I hope that this email did that for him.

Dating is not easy my friends.  With all the technology, and the dozens of apps that promise they have the newest and hottest single people, it's easy to get lost in a sea of options.  And then, when you finally pick the few you're willing to meet, you somehow have to have the ability to read their thoughts, and identify if they're your type of weird or not.  In the daily struggle that is dating, all I can say to you is keep your head up.  All of these 'difficult times' will be replaced by moments of bliss that make this whole thing worth it.  Promise.


Published by Vaishali Rana