Dear Anxiety,

 

I have avoided you for so long. If asked I couldn’t tell you when the last time we wrestled was. Probably the second time my brother had cancer. But that was years ago and this is now. We don’t have a relationship anymore. I cut you off, I pushed you out. We are done, didn’t you get the memo? But here you are again, trying to run my life. I keep saying “no, go away, I don’t want you.” But yet here we are, standing face to face. You’re sneering at me, taking pleasure in my panic. I don’t want you to be here, I want you to go away. I don’t want to feel the rush of dread when I walk into the class room or see the pretty boy with brown eyes. I don’t want to start shaking when someone mentions the words, “final” or “research paper”. I don’t want to fail a test because I’m staring at the question with self-doubt and unease. I don’t want to live this way. For not living this way for years the suddenly being like this is not okay. I am not okay with this. I am not okay. I want to be okay. I want you gone. I want to be in control. But I’m not in control. But do you know who does have control? God does. He is on the throne and he is in control. Yes, I’m panicking but He is not. He is there with arms wide open ready to calm me down. God is not wringing His hands, pacing back and forth wondering why I’m panicked. He’s putting me through this to test me, to prepare me for something greater. I give you to Him, Anxiety. Because you do not own me anymore because I am His. I am done with you Anxiety. I wash my hands of you. I am done with you. You don’t own me. I may still get anxious but it will pass because God is in control. He’s holding me tight, telling me I don’t need to listen to you. So I’m not going to listen to you, Anxiety.


Thanks for preparing me for something,

 

A no longer anxious person. 

Published by Britt Cole