Dear Danielle,


I knew from the moment I met you that it wasn't going to work. It wasn't your curly blonde hair. It wasn't the birth mark on your chin. It wasn't even your need to check your phone every ten minutes. I can't say that it had nothing to do with you, but it did have very little. It was mostly about me. You're a beautiful girl. You're smart and funny and have a whole lot of life left to live. I just knew I wouldn't fit into your world and didn't want to bother trying.


I could tell by the way you treated your friends you had a lot of love left to give and hadn't truly been hurt yet. I didn't want to be the first guy to truly hurt you. I knew if I stayed I might be the guy to ruin you. You're perfect right now and some guys deserves the chance to be with you. I just already had one foot out the door from the moment we met. I said all the right things and did all the right things knowing what it would lead to. I got exactly what I wanted, and yet I regret it. I don't like this behavior. I don't trust myself knowing I can do this to another person.


I left you at 4 A.M. with a kiss and this letter. I took out the trash of empty bottles knowing it was probably the last kind gesture I could do for you. We shared love with one another even if it was just for one night. And it meant something to me. It was something I needed. I needed to know that I could still feel love and still had something to give. I wanted to feel special. Selfishly I knew this was always all about me. You were just the perfect target. I just knew my love would only get tainted and not be enough for you down the road. Your love would only go on to be wasted on an idiot like me. I needed to end it before it started. That's why I never left you my number. I just left you this letter.


I'm sorry. In case you wanted to know I dabble in writing. I'm not successful or popular. You have no worries that anyone will ever know what happened between us. But in the off-chance that you were being honest with me, we did have writing in common. I just tried to play the sweet guy who likes sports too much. Women always tend to fall for that, so I continue to use it. I don't know why I'm afraid to just show women the other side of myself. I've always just believed that if they really wanted to know that they'd ask. Sadly they never do. They get lost in my blue eyes and my stories of travel. They pretend to stumble so they can touch my abs. I get it. Trust me I do. We are all sexual being. I just wanted to tell you that you are more.


I can tell when someones special and you are. You're the real deal. I'll cuss to the stars one day knowing that I wish I had a do over with you. But we can never go back. We can never go back to the first time we meet someone. I wish I was the guy you wanted. I wish I was the guy you needed. I've just never been able to get to be that guy. My specialty is running away before it gets too serious. That way my absence is an easy thing to get over. It never hurts. When you wake up this letter might hurt, but trust me you'll move on and be okay in time. You're going to meet a great guy and he's going to send you flowers. He's going to give you multiple orgasms and life will be as perfect as any life can be. The only thing you need to do is remain hopeful and remain open to people. You'll forget about me in a few months and truthfully I hope you do. I hope if you see me in a year you won't even recognize me. But in the end I just hope that you're happy. I hope that you're happy tomorrow and every day after.



The Runaway

Published by Brian Argetsinger