(From https://tupeo.wordpress.com)

We tend to live in a community where communicating, interacting and bonding are required to enhance the connection between each individual or among people in the community. Someone is gifted with ability to interact or attract others while someone keeps pushing others away. Unfortunately, I'm a "pusher" even I know that couldn't do anything nice without someone by my side.

I'm a kind of self-sufficient people. I can learn, work and live very well by myself without much help or support from people around. However, there is always an urge for attaching with others inside me. My performance is much more better as long as I stick with someone whether they are helpful or not. As a result, I might be also a "success supplier" for other people to be successful.

The problem is I do know that I have to stick with someone to get the best results but I'm so good at pushing every single one I like or love away as if it was my greatest talent. I've had few friends since I was little. I didn't try to make friend with anyone but some people kept approaching and being nice to me. When you'd been lonely for a while, then you found someone who understood you, you would become attached to them easily. Even so you just got used to be with them, they somehow left you right away.

And that might be the reason why I keep pushing people away right when I feel like there is a connection with others. I must be afraid of the fact that my soon-to-be-close-to-me would leave me like those in the past. It looks like a defending mechanism to avoid being hurt after being hurt badly many times physically and mentally.

I don't get on well with anyone in my family. I couldn't maintain any friendship or relationship with anyone I know. It's impossible for me to have someone by my side except for only one person who has been my best friend for 10 years. I really don't know if someday I could stop pushing people away. Nonetheless, I won't stop believing in the kindness of strangers and one day I will finally find my own people who understand, treasure and respect me.

Published by Tu Nguyen