I have a lot to learn about love and how to love. My kids are teaching me anew everyday.

 

We had a rough night (shocking). I haven’t showered in 6 days (if you’re a fellow mom to a bear cub and lady bug you understand).

 

Long story short, I’m laying in my bed praying Nici goes back down. That doesn’t happen, instead he starts rubbing my arm, and gently talking in his high pitched nice voice. His face approximately 2 inches from mine, his hands are now on my face examining it as well. Taking in each line. I look over at him and his eyes are shut.

 

He is seeing me with his words and his hands. And sometimes we see better with our eyes shut.

 

God made us for community. Real community equals real vulnerability, though. Eyes squeezed closed takes care of pride and judgment real fast.

 

I’m not promoting eternal blindfolds or zero accountability. I’m thinking eyes closed love lends to faster grace granted, not because we can’t see or feel their flaws, but we are acutely aware of our own vulnerable state.

 

There is a lot of ugly in the world, there is a lot of ugly in my heart.

 

My two year old doesn’t see it. He loves me, enough to blindly caress my face at 3am despite the numerous confrontations we dealt with in the previous 24 hours.

 

I have a lot to learn about loving, loving past the ugly, loving despite the differences. And embracing relational, vulnerable community the way Christ intended.

-J

Published by Shauna Tharp and Jessi Vacca