This season is such a time of transition both in the weather, the way the Ohio Valley looks and how I feel about myself. As much as I try to resist it, the brightly colored leaves force me to look within at the changes that have occurred in myself. I went through some thing traumatic this summer, between that and postpartum depression recovery, I have been through an exhausting journey and I'm still trying to regain balance in the aftermath. 

I find myself starring at the still-sunny skies outside on these fall afternoons wondering what's next? My entire adult life has been spent trying to fix myself. Trying to fix my grades, trying to fix my communication skills, trying to fix childhood wounds, trying to fix my home sickness, fixing my marriage... It is perpetual. 

I have to focus only on a single day at a time otherwise I risk being completely overwhelmed by my own lack of perfection and how much work there still is to be done within me. There are times when it is helpful to be reflective, and other times when we risk living in the past. It's hard for me to balance at times, but I'm trying. 

What feelings does this season evoke in you? It seems each season holds a certain amount of reflective time, each with different undertones. Spring is hopeful, where as this season some times forces me to mourn the ways that I have failed over the past few months. Not in the spirit of despair necessarily, but in hopes of improvement. 

Published by Samantha Motto