Let me tell you: getting fit sucks.  Don't get me wrong, the process is great, I feel good, I have more energy, and I am actually motivated, but it's also kind of awful.  I look at myself, and think "I like the feeling of working out, I like healthy foods, why did I let myself get this bad before I took action?" but I can speculate all I want but it doesn't change a damn thing.  I am overweight and I have a long way to go before I am a healthy weight.  I look at my friends, so disciplined with going to the gym and careful about what they eat, like it's a no brainer, and yet every single day I struggle so hard with going to the gym and not eating all the delightfully salty snacks that my work provides. 

Today for my snack I had bell peppers and celery sticks, and while I do in fact like these things, I couldn't help but stare longingly at my managers chips, and oh did she notice.  She applauded me for my discipline, told me how proud of me she was, and even still, I grimaced with every bite of my vegetables. 

Eating well should be so simple.  Put good things in your body, nourish it, fuel it, eat well, feel well.  But, well, it isn't that simple. If it was that simple 2 tacos wouldn't be an entire days worth of calories and wouldn't come with irresistible and endless chips and salsa.  When I break it down, I do feel better when I eat well.  Fruits and vegetables never make me feel like I am going to throw up after I eat too much, tacos always do, and yet, I can't seem to resist.  It's funny how the mind works, knowing full well that eating well makes me feel good and boosts my energy, and eating poorly makes me feel sick and sluggish, and even though I know that, I can always justify eating crap. 

Going to the gym isn't something that ever occurs to me.  I know that going to the gym is good for me, I know that if I really want to get in shape I have to go to the gym, there is no way around that, but damn do I hate it.  I love the idea of working out, I love the gym once I am there, and I love how I feel afterwards, but the whole middle ground of "I want to go to the gym" and actually going to the gym are a real grey area for me.  It takes so much effort to get myself there it feels like a workout in itself and to be completely honest it's exhausting.  What gets me to the gym, you ask? An shit ton of coffee.  That's it right there.  My best friends have empowered me with so much fitness knowledge, I have read so many articles on the health benefits, and to be honest I look longingly at celebrities in magazines who have these perfect bodies, but nothing seems to get me there except the exceedingly large amount of coffee I deem acceptable to drink on a daily basis and a need to work off the caffeine buzz. 

I am sore in places I didn't know existed, I positively ache all the time, and I still can't seem to drag my ass to the gym after work without my 4:00 PM cup of coffee, but I go.  I don't love it, but it's necessary, and I do it.  I hope that one day I love going to the gym as much as my friends do.  I hope going to the gym is as second nature to me as coffee, or endless chips and salsa.  But for now it is something I do because I have to, another think to check off on my to-do list, and oh right, because it's good for me. 


Published by Beth Rosenfeld