I wanted to write something here but I didn't know how to start. So I decided just to post here the mostpersonal article on my blog so you could know me better. I really want to be more active here. I hope I will be able to post here every week and if not you can just go on my blog if you really miss me.

https://teacupfairy.wordpress.com/

I have wanted to make this article for a really long time but since this topic is very hard I was really lazy to do it but there you go!
I want to write about things which are physical but also about things which are psychical.
I will start with that physical part.
I’ve been really unhappy with how I look for many years. I hated my body, my hair, my face, my height and my weight also my skills but I’m not sure if it belongs to physical part.
On my elementary school you could always found me as very happy, optimistic and cheerful person but the truth was that I wasn’t really happy. I had one friend and I’ve always thought that it’s because of the way I look or because I wasn’t born in the most rich family.
I ended up thinking that I’m way too ugly for society.
In the middle of my ninth grade I’ve developed depression and all these mental illnesses. I will talk about it in my psychical part. But because of that I thought that I’m even uglier and I’ve started to cut myself.
Than I went on high school and my life changed. I found few friends and boyfriend. I thought I’m happy but let’s move on to psychical part I wasn’t. My depression got even bigger and so my other mental  illnesses.
I think I can say that I had big depression, anxiety, paranoia, eating disorder, bipolar disorder and I don’t know what else.
I’ve ended up cutting myself even more.
I knew that this is not what I want in my life and I’ve also knew that there is way how to get through it. I talked about it with my boyfriend and I felt better but it lasted for about two months and than I was depressed again.
I’m on art school and when we have to draw or do creative things I sometimes have problems and when I had to deal with so many things I just couldn’t be creative. I blamed myself for that and it made me feel even worse.
I don’t know how but I somehow managed to made myself feel better. I think that hearing other people talking about problems they had and how they feel happier now kinda helped me. I’ve also read so many things about it and that’s the reason why I’m writing this article maybe there is someone out there who need it.
My mind has changed. I don’t stress myself over everything so much and it feels much better.
The only part which is bit confusing for me now is my physical part.
I mean I accept how my body and face look now but for me is very important my clothing style. I know that when we will die no one will care about how we looked cause all of us will be just ash but I feel like when I live I should use it as an opportunity and I should create here something on this world.
For me is my look quite important because I feel like I can express myself with it. But the problem is that I like so many different things. I had this problem also in drawing because I do lots of different things I make dot works, stylised figures, anime looking figures and more but I realised that I can take it as an advantage. I can create more stuff.
Don’t get me wrong I still feel bad sometimes but I’m working on it. I think that I’m on good path of finding myself.
I don’t know how to end this article but I hope it helped you somehow and if not you know me better now.
Have a nice day/night ♥

Published by Veronica Awra