Eleven herbs and spices in secret nail polish recipe!


A lot of things taste like chicken but it took KFC to bring the flavor of fried fowl to the forefront of finger fashion. Whether you prefer “Original Recipe” or “Hot & Spicy” the Colonel ‘s new edible nail polish is sure to have you salivating salaciously. That’s because you can now get the satisfying sensation of licking chicken grease coated fingers with none of the fat, salt, calories and fuss of actually eating the fast-food staple. The best part is……the savoryness isn’t diminished by a moist towelette. You can lick your fingers, wash your hands, use the restroom, wash your hands again and your nails will still have that “just polished” taste.


So why chicken flavored nail polish? Why not? Nail polish isn’t the first form of culinary fashion. Who can forget edible panties or those candy necklaces you used to get as a kid. Plus…...varnishing your nails with this chicken-based concoction gives you lot more “cluck for your buck” than any value meal. You can re-play your lunch over and over again without the belching or bloating. Even if you skipped lunch you’re never more than an arm’s length away from the pleasing taste of painted-on poultry.


At present KFC has released only the two nail polish flavors that correspond to their original and spicy chicken offerings. Both require refrigeration since they are food based. Unlike acrylic nail polish, the colors of both will change over the course of the day (especially if it’s hot out) just like the chicken itself would if left un-refrigerated. It will morph from beige (original recipe) or Tabasco colored (hot & spicy) to sort of an oxidized olive green with black specs. It’s always a good idea to keep this in mind when deciding on your wardrobe for the day. It’s a natural if you’re into the “layered look” or you wear the kinds of colors that go with anything.


Fans of KFC’s side dishes will be happy to know the company plans to release other flavored polishes to complement its chicken flavors. In the works are mashed potato, gravy, coleslaw, mac’n’cheese and several deserts. In the words of a company spokesperson:


 “You can put the chicken on your thumbnail and still have a finger left for each of the sides. It’s like having a complete, delicious meal at your fingertips and you still have a free hand for the desert polishes”.   

Published by Bill Hoover