Food disorder Like 0 Twitter Kirah Grand Follow Sept. 30, 2017, 10:32 a.m. in Creative Views: 621 Like us on facebook For most of my late teen-adult life I've stuck to one weight until Dec 2016 where I was sick often and lost like 5kg in a week, and I just about put it back on after 6 weeks of trying. But I've noticed that I've gone from that girl who gets sad and does things with life to that girl that sits and eats snacks. I get annoyed or dwell in a negative emotion and eat. I don't need to eat at night, but like clockwork when I get in at 10pm from work, I'm putting something in my mouth. Something with energy or a crisp styled snack but a heavy portion or several slices of bread. I know why I'm upset sometimes and what I should do to combat the excess eating, but it makes me happy- well an average happy for that evening until I can dream beautiful things. My reality isn't disturbing, I am pleased that I do well for my age and have travelled but food is now my fight. Oh then there's the nauseous days, but medically the doctor and I are figuring that out so medicine helped keep things down. Reading about it, there's something called a Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and I fit that a little. The symptoms (totally on a few of them) as well as the frequency of eating and feelings felt afterwards (shameful really). Personally, I won't claim this because I can change my behaviour but if you feel that this link points to you, start to monitor it and speak to someone in confidence. I'm not a registered or certified counsellor as yet, but I'll definitely have a look in to what help is available in your area if you do decide to contact me. I've never been the girl to run to food and cry but I currently am that soppy adult. I leave my bed to eat and cry. I snack between classes when the kids annoy me or their lack of control of themselves gets to me. Food is my friend, it's my joy replacement. I'm not depressed as I can tell you several things I can live my day out for. But excess eating is actually disgusting. Like the other night, I kept going after dinner and had like 2 more meals in an hour just because. Actually I didn't even realise because I loved every bite 🙈 I got to bed and I could hardly bend, it was a gluttonous night where the food would push itself upwards. That sickly feeling, I was shocked at myself but with every extra bite I was looking for more flavours-from savoury to sweet to zest and crunch. I've gone from appreciating food to using it as a cushion, it helps me feel better about my lack of ambition and self belief to follow my dreams and the things I saw in my actual dreams. It could be worse right? I could have gone to alcohol or drugs or miscellaneous sex. All of which takes money and emotions and I have no time to waste on either so I went to a natural thing we need to live- food. I hate that I've put food as a god and that I have to tell myself to stop eating and putting some form of snack trickled with a meal and muffin in my mouth every evening. Then the next morning I rub my belly like yeah, you want that 6 pack summer body right? Not happening boo. Sigh. NB: Originally written April 2017. Since then I've stopped comfort eating and have focused on occupying myself with good habits when sad. Over the next few weeks, I'll be starting a short health is wealth series. Follow my blog to keep up and join in on the chat! Originally posted here. Published by Kirah Grand Share Mail Messenger Twitter Pinterest Linkedin Comments Related Article Creative Letter to my Fat self Creative Dear Stranger Creative Ms. Harrison's New Patient.