Now that she’s been here for some time now, I’ve come to know her more.
The things she’s taught me, I’ve never known before…
She taught me how to wash my hands of the blood I spilled from the wars I fought…
I thought they’d be stained forever.
I’m marked with scars and wounds as if they are tattoos… Still, she embraces me.
I told her about my past… And what did she do?
She admired me, still… even though I felt like a monster…
I slaughtered the innocent and took whatever I wanted from them.
But still, she saw – no… she sees the best in me.
Everything I was, everything I did, she tells me that I’m not that and I can move forward…
I guess her goal is to teach me how to be different…
For me, it’s a wrestle inside… for some reason, I want to stay the same…
Maybe I’m afraid of change and what that will mean for me.
I like being a beast… But at the same time, I guess I do long to be free.
Since the day she came into my life and shed light, I actually have a desire to change…
It’s a small fire, and I guess I should really embrace it.
It’s like; if I don’t like the way something is, I feel the need to do something about it…
But I don’t have the will to fight or face it… Yet, as difficult as I feel, she’s just as patient.
How is that she could care so much about a man like me?
I think that if I was bloody from battle, she’d dare to bathe me…
That’s insane… to me, it’s crazy. I’ve never in my life encountered such a lady…
She’s always making sure I’m okay…
She makes sure I have enough to drink and eat…
She doesn’t allow me to go hungry or want for anything.
Why is she so sweet to me?
I mean, I think I know her based on what she does for me…
But I doubt she really knows me… I have yet to really show her anything.
Isn’t she supposed to be some type of warrior; a knight?
Where’s her tough side? Maybe that’s a part of her she hides.
Or maybe she just hasn’t had the opportunity to show it.
Even in her armor, she still seems so graceful…
I can’t help but smile when I look upon her… She is so beautiful.
Even though I want to be that beast; deep inside.
There’s something about who she is that stops me from really craving it.
Whatever her source is, whatever power she has,
it won’t allow me to be it.
So be it…
I liked that I felt powerful.
I don’t really feel that anymore.
I guess because I was full of myself…
I guess this is what it feels like to sit my pride on the shelf.
Now, I’m full of whatever she’s been feeding me…
It’s healthy for me, spiritually.
I usually don’t like trying new things…
But this, I don’t reject… I accept it, humbly.
I feel I must eat it… I believe it’s helping me.
It’s something that I get to sink my teeth into…
It satisfies my craving to rip and to tear.
I guess she got the hint that I often feel like a carnivore…
She pays attention to everything.
What surprises me the most; she doesn’t mind me being me.
There are some things I do that aren’t considered “manly”.
I have a side of me that not many others get to see.
Despite the beast in me, there’s always been a child in me…
Sometimes, I just want to play around.
Odd enough, she wants to play along with me.
Really; what kind of woman is she?

To be continued…

Published by A Passionate Writer