There's a follower who HATES me talking about whites & blacks because no one ever discriminates, judges, or knows what stereotypes are in America. I'm confused as to why I'm doing this but I'm going to make something known that I never thought I needed to clarify, but if this is thought by a patriotic, proud to be an Americanimages-70, human being then there's no telling who else feels this way.

I'M NOT A RACIST, I'M AWARE! I'M NOT NAIVE AND KNOW MY LIMITATIONS AS WELL AS THE DANGERS OF BEING BLACK IN THIS WHITE MAN'S WORLD. I AM NOT NOR HAVE I EVER HATED OR FELT ANY TYPE OF ILL WAY ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE. When I hate someone, THEY KNOW I HATE THEM AND KNOW WHY. THEY FEEL THE HATE, DESPISE THE HATE, AND STAY THE FCK FROM AROUND ME. Life ain't fair, Don't bite the hand that feeds you, stay in your lane & choose your battles wisely. That's how I live my life and my only problem, outside of my mouth and attitude, is choosing my battles wisely. I was talking to my little sister on the other night and it felt as if I were talking to a younger me. You think my mouth is reckless? Her's mouth is DESTRUCTIVE, I feel sorry for her boyfriend and fear for my niece or nephew. I tried explaining to her the importance of learning which battles are worth fighting when she told me people should learn what to and not to and say to her, mind their own business, and not speak on what doesn't concern them. This Little girl kept on going, telling me a story about her mom telling her about herself and how her mom had no right doing so.

"NO! You can't control what comes out of someone else's mouth, especially family! We can tell you what you don't want to hear & have the right to tell you about yourself. Pop off with me then make sure you NEVER ask me for shit again! You can't go around smacking bitches every time one makes you mad. You're 18 now, YOU GOING TO JAIL NOW! Listen to your sister & don't be like me, that bitch in the club smacking hoes with bottles. You got bigger problems, you need to finish your GED, and go to college, or we're going to be hoein' forever! Nowadays, every job requires you have a college degree."download-42

After this conversation, I began to realize how much she needs me in her life. Although our moms are alive, we don't have that close, normal relationship and our dad's dead. Fearful that my sister will end up an uneducated black woman who's not only dependent on the government because she can't get a job, but content assuming that's life. I feel like I let her down because I could've done more to make sure she finished her GED, but was too worried about my own problems, especially when she got smart with me, biting the hand that fed her. The thought of her lack of education and the hardships she'll face makes me hate myself and reminds me I've got to grind harder. My sister much like myself likes white guys, and I pray she doesn't have to deal with the same drama I do.

As I stated earlier, I don't hate white people, but certain situations have occurred and those feelings are starting to change. Not feeling ill but confused, causing rage that's developing into hate and this is why. There had been a time where I was kidnapped for weeks! I was locked in a room, windows bordered & nailed shut door, that locked on the outside, and was cold as hell! When my trafficker and his bottom bitch wasn't holding me down so a trick could handle business or forcefully feeding me food I'd immediately throw up from being sick, I'd pray. Laying on the hardwood floors of that empty room, I would lay in the right corner furthest from the door and would pray more so begged, god to take my life before I did & then cried myself to sleep. There then came a time someone put something in my drink & just my luck, his doors locked from the outside too. I was there for 2 days, luckily someone was able to track my location on my phone. Till this day, I have nightmares and flashbacks, reliving my clearest memory of being there. I woke up to find him on top of me and he was talking to me. I don't really remember what he was saying, I was too busy trying to figure out why I couldn't scream or move my body at all. I felt disgusting because he was really enjoying it, tightly holding me as if we were making love. So once again, I cried until I blacked back out.

Police were involved in both situations and both men are freely roaming the streets. The guy who drugged me was never arrested and my trafficker was fortunate enough to only serve a few months of his 10-year minimum sentence. They gave him a bond and NEVER notified me, despite my request to notify me if such were to happen even though the FBI & State attorney assured me he wouldn't get a bond. So we have laws & get to pick and choose who has to abide by them? Okay well, I'm about to start selling people too then, get 3 for the price of 2. I have a funny feeling that if I were to, they'd lock my ass up SO quick!! My ex told me today he has a friend who's friends with the state attorney and his assault charges are going to be dismissed, but just last week he was harassing me about seeing him because he was going to jail with this being his third assault charge in 6 months. Then to top it off, there's a report saying I tried getting a protection order on 8/15/16 and wad denied due to lack of evidence. OH REALLY? That's funny considering I have an EMERGENCY PROTECTION ORDER THAT WAS ISSUED ON 8/14/16, so who was denied what now? I didn't even ask for it, the magistrate said when you file assault charges, my reasoning for being there in the first place, they issue them together. That was my second protection order against him, issued by the magistrate. NEVER was i denied a protection order, so what the hell is this?

My ex was upset & said I was upset because he's not going to jail! NO STUPID, I'M MAD BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN THE POLICE AREN'T PROTECTING AND SERVING SHIT BUT THE CRIMINAL! He said my reasoning was a self-pity issue, FUCK YOU & YOUR ASSUMPTION, THOUGHTS, OPINIONS, FEELINGS, THE AIR YOU BREATHE & THE GROUND YOU WALK ON. I'M PISSED BECAUSE THERE'S A REPORT REGARDING ME AND IT'S NOT TRUE. I'M MAD BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN I FALL VICTIM TO THIS CROOKED ASS SYSTEM! HAD I PRESSED CHARGES ON A BLACK MAN, HE'D NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY AGAIN & THAT'S FUCKED UP! I SEE WHY NIGGAS START RIOTING AND ACTING A FOOL, HOW MANY TIMES IS IT FCK ME UNTIL IT'S FCK YOU!? THIS "WHITE PRIVILEGE" NONSENSE IS RIDICULOUS, MUST BE FUCKIN NICE. He got mad at me because he took from my last blog that I thought there was going to be a war between whites and blacks, THAT'S NOT THE WAR YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT.

Published by ShylahBoss Lee