So you've been talking to this guy for the last few weeks and everything seems to be going great. He's making you laugh , you have great chemistry (or is that desperation, help!) and you're thinking that he just might be one of the good guys.

You've finally (thank God) gotten pass the "what's your favorite__" phase and are starting to have actual meaningful and in-depth conversation about goals , dreams and the such. You don't want to admit it, but you're secretly getting your hopes up. Day in and day out , he's starting to become the favorite part of your day; where ever you are your phone must go because you fear missing one of his text.

You can't even remember (and don't want to) what days were liked before you met him. Then one morning you go to check your phone and there's nothing.

You take break early at work to check your messages and the only notification you have is from your mom (she's always worrying.) Come the evening , still no text , a small part of you starts to panic.

However, you decide to put on your big girl panties and get over it. Hey, you're both working professionals with busy schedules, what's 24 hrs?

Until 24 hours turns into 1 week. 1 week into 1 month. And at 9:47 pm on a Friday evening as you sit on your couch binge watching Scandal

you realize , he's not going to call. No more good morning texts (you low-key hated them anyway), no more mid-day "how's your day going" and it makes you  . . . angry.

You scramble through your phone hurriedly to delete his number because you're a boss a** independent woman who don't need this stress, but you can't seem to hit the button. Is that guilt ? But he's the one who stopped texting you ! You decide on just erasing the emojis by his name because now he's on your ish list. That's not enough. More dramatics!

So you delete his thread. Your inner woman squeals , but what if he comes back , now all the memories are gone. You feel like no one can fix the colossal mess of emotions you're feeling right now, not even Ms. Pope herself. Now you're left to ask yourself, what you did, what the hell went wrong ? 

Baby girl, you got GHOSTED.

Well maybe not ALL of us. But you get what I'm saying. Now, thanks to the beauty of the web and the invention of Urban Dictionary , I'll help you out by defining exactly what ghosting is (for all that are unaware.) 

Ghosting: The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. 

And that , ladies and gentlemen, is the passive aggressive generation that we live in. Welcome to the 21st century. So now you're asking, why? Girl! I wish I knew. From where I'm sitting I can only think of two valid and palpable excuses *coughs* I mean , reasons. 

1. He wasn't feeling you and was too much of a coward to say so. There's a term for these kind of guys , but I don't curse. It starts with an "F" and ends with boy.

2. He really liked you and that scared him aka "commitment issues."

Either way he's a class A douche.

And here's why, it's perfectly fine to no longer want to continue a relationship with someone, but to not tell them so is simple-minded and immature. To just assume that they will "take the hint" is insensitive to say the least. And news flash, women are a lot more emotionally in tune, we will hold on for much longer than need be if we think there is a chance for reconciliation. So just be honest so that we can move on.

Let this be a lesson to all my millennial daters, if you're just not that into her, TELL HER. It might be hurtful in the moment but it'll save her days of wondering what she did wrong or could have done better; let's be honest the answer is nothing.

To all my ladies (sorry guys I'm biased) who know all too well the sting of being "GHOSTED," I pray that you find a man who will treat you with the respect that you deserve. And I'll leave you with these last words of wisdom; experience is truly the best teacher. 

1.Don't text him. It's not worth it.

Either he won't text back, and you'll be hurt or he'll text back some insincere apology about how he's been so busy and has been meaning to hit you up (bruh, it's been a month) and you'll be hurt. Save yourself the headache and just delete his contact then step away from the keyboard. Woo-sah.

 

2. There is nothing you could have said or done to have made him stay. If there was, he would have communicated that to you. Don't beat yourself up. The only thing that can keep a man is a man that wants to be kept. 

3. Don't let it change you. Having someone up and disappear from your life with no rhyme or reason can definitely leave you feeling bitter, but don't let it harden you. Every guy is NOT the same. Try to find the silver lining, find the good in a goodbye you never got because girl you dodged a bullet.

Remember: "Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." 

Here's a special message to all you who think ghosting is okay, 

From one babe to the next, blog on <3

--Taj 

Published by Nataja Zanelle