Is it a goal of mine to look like Teyana Taylor? The idea sounds nice in theory, but it’s a no for me, dawg. The buzz and admiration surrounding the singer’s flawless body in Kanye West's new video is well deserved and I realize that by being anything but envious and “Slay hunty!” about it I am deemed a hater. However, I am used to that label because I am also not a huge fan of Beyoncé (whose ass I saw a lot of at the MTV Video Music Awards this Sunday!)—so it’s been a hard knock life for me already.

 

I just get so tired of envying women and of showing homage and admiration to other women by expressing the desire to be like them. I worked hard to be me, I want to be like me—the best version of whatever that is. Now that I am attempting to work out and eat better, I look in the mirror at my changing body and I am starting to fall in love with it again. I have to function in a tunnel in order to teach myself to love my physical self. As soon as I log on to Instagram or Facebook I am inundated with memes and praises for people who don’t need that kind of support—at least not from me. I don't want the life of anyone else or to appear as if I do, even if the person has conquered goals similar to mine-- whether that be body goals or career goals.

 

If I like your music I will buy your album, you will get the money and continue to be awesome and hot and admired by others. Perhaps it’s my overall sour mood, my period or whatever (*eyeroll*) but it is my perception that we encourage envy in pop culture. Just listen to Meghan Trainor’s latest song where she brags “If I was you, I’d want to be me, too.” Or when a female entertainment news anchors cut away to a shot of a sexy fashion model and say, “Wow, if only I had a body like hers!” It’s supposed to be cheeky and fun but I’m over it. I find it slightly damaging to my psyche and envy is not a trait that men freely broadcast so why has this become the backbone of sisterhood or expressing positive encouragement among women? You should never want to be anyone else. It should be enough to like, admire or even to be inspired by another person and/or their story. Because that’s just it, it is their story and I want to be so busy working on mine that I don’t have the time or feel the need to want someone else’s pages for my own.

 

Teyana you are beautiful—if I looked like you I’d probably be angry and hungry all the time. I’d miss my thick thighs and I wouldn’t quite feel like myself because the woman dancing gracefully in the video is not me and my unphotogenic and ungraceful ass, it’s you. YOU did the damned thing!

 

Me? I’m over here dancing awkwardly to old Erykah Badu songs and still trying to reach my own #goals.

Published by Whiskey blog.whiskeyandpoetry.com