"Style: It's like Herpes. You either have it, or you don't."

- Joan Rivers

We all love award shows for the same reason: seeing all of the glamour, and all of the other people dressed in high school theatre costumes. The Golden Globes were absolutely no exception. Not only was it popcorn-worthy with all the tea and all the shade, but it also left us gagging. I decided to rank my Top Trendy Looks and OUCHfits. For some added fun, I added Felipe's feelings about the Golden Globes as well. I think he was actually harsher than me! But, please remember, this is all in jest.  

Yasss, Top Trendy Looks  

5. Ruth Negga in Louis Vuitton

Ruth Negga and her team did it right this evening! The shape of the gown accentuates her beautiful figure. The heavy zipper up the front along with the black piping? This girl looks like a warrior princess. 

4. Judith Light in Balmain

I don't know about everyone else, but I firmly believe this woman can do no wrong. She's one of my favorite actresses. And she's one of those women that brings class to everything they wear! How many people do you know that could pull off zebra after the age of 15?

3. Janelle Monáe in Armani

Well hello, gorgeous. Monáe is serving Barbie realness with this gown. The playful fullness of her polka-dot skirt brought attention to her gorgeous shape, and just let those legs go FO DAZE! I adored this dress. Wendy Williams said this was her favorite look, but I think the hair was just a little too much to make it to my number one!

2. Blake Lively in an Altier Versace

My goodness, my jaw dropped to the floor when I saw this photo. Blake Lively looks so curvy and delicious in this gown. The golden details leave her looking like a poised, sexy, Italian queen. The tailoring around her hips is flawless, and the pockets! Who doesn't love a good pocket!

1. Naomi Campbell in Versace

I am living for this structured, and yet somehow so fluid piece by Versace! The peek-a-boo black pleats are actually everything I needed from the Golden Globes. Somehow this gown makes Campbell look like a stunning robot paying homage to old Hollywood. I doubt that makes any sense, but you're still reading, aren't you? 

Felipe's Fierce Picks

5. Janelle Monáe in Armani

"Its cute and fun. I love that dress! Who else could have pulled that off?"

4. Carrie Washington in  Dolce & Gabbana

"She looks like a warrior baby doll. It's cute but powerful. I wasn't the craziest about the length, but it was the overall affect the dress had that won me over."

3. Felicity Huffman in George Chakra

"She made pants work. It just looks sexy, but masculine with the pants. Its very chic. It took a group of gay men to do that, I'm sure."

2. Kristin Bell in Jenny Packham

"I've never seen her look so good. The hair and makeup looked amazing, it worked really well with her gown."

1. Blake Lively in an Altier Versace

"Chic. Elegant. AND SHE HAS POCKETS! Goddess..."

And the OUCHfits...Boy, did they hurt. 

5. Brie Larson in Rodarte

This gown just leaves me wanting more. I think it's the wrong color for January, for starters. Leave the scarlet red in December where it belongs. If this were a Holiday special, Brie, honey, you woulda fit right in! 

4. SJP in Vera Wang

We ALL know I love SJP. I literally think her fashion mind is genius. But not everyone can be on 100% of the time. And the Golden Globes showed that. Girl, I appreciate the nod to Leia, but what the hell is with the dress? It looks like an outtake from the wedding dress photoshoot montage from the first Sex and the City film. 

3. Keri Russel in J. Mendel

What the heck is this outfit though? She looks like she's wearing some hooker's old curtains. I love a good print, but it leaves this gown looking cheap.

2. Carrie Washington in Dolce & Gabbana 

This dress looks like it was bought at a second-hand shop and never altered. Don't get me wrong, I adore tea-length gowns, but with an ill-flared skirt? No! That skirt deserved at least a little bit of structure. It looks overworked. It's sad because the only thing that saves this look is her gorgeous face.  

1. Carrie Underwood in Iris Serban

I think I was almost offended by this gown. It looks like she let a child paper mache an outfit for her. It's honestly the most tragic thing I saw at the Golden Globes. I had such high hopes for her, given her trendiness in the past, but that was nowhere to be found last Sunday. I don't even think I would recommend that to the "LOL's" (Little Old Ladies) in the salon... 

Felipe's List of Failures 

5. Nicole Kidman in Alexander McQueen

"It looks like she's wearing doilies...And a pair of dusty cleaning gloves."

Natalie Portman in Prada

"I just can't because of the color. I hate green. And there's no shape! What? Is she pregnant again?"

Me: Yes. She is...

Karrueche Tran in Dolce & Gabbana 

*Eyeroll* "The dress can't decide what length it is...It looks like it's unravelling!"

2. Connie Britton in Georges Hobaika

"THAT I cannot deal with! She looks like she was trying to escape someone and ripped the sleeve off her t-shirt dress."

1. SJP in Vera Wang

"What is that? Like really? And whats with that hair? REALLY...?"

Now you know exactly how two random homosexuals felt about the way a bunch of overpaid actors/actresses looked at the first awards ceremony of the new year. How do you feel? Please comment on and share this post - let me know what you thought!

Published by Simon Stylez