Being a senior in college is both thrilling and terrifying, but personally, I found it to be exciting as I was getting so close to finally being an adult and being independent and doing whatever I wanted to do.  I’m finding the post-grad life to be a little melancholy at the moment.

May 15, the day after I walked across the stage to get my Bachelors degree, I was packed up and driving back to Nebraska. While I was sad to leave my boyfriend and best friends I made at school, I was more eager to get home so I could start sending out my resume and apply to the jobs of my dreams! I started immediately upon parking in my driveway. I applied to be receptionists, assistants, office production assistants, and everything in between that a cinema and art history degree could get me.

Eighty applications later, I’m still not being called. I’m not hearing back. Nothing. What started as excitement and joy to become an adult became a shocking realization that competition means that the opportunities aren’t going to be thrown at me.

I’m blue. Like, really upset and frustrated. Being at school, in an environment where I was constantly collaborating with my peers to make creative content was paradise.  I was studying theory and history and technique. My positivity has depleted.  I spend hours a day searching and applying for jobs. I’ve had people look over my resume and cover letters. I’m applying for work that applies to me, and isn’t above me.

The worst part is that being 22 and jobless makes conversations with parents, relatives, and adults challenging. This process isn’t as quick or simple as it used to be. I think millennials get this horrible reputation for being lazy, or taking the easy way out. I think people think I made a poor choice by deciding to major in film. My cousin majored in business and my aunts and uncles haven’t cracked a single joke to him about working retail or fast food. But me? Every time I see them.

I’m not giving up. I am too invested and too ambitious as a screenwriter and artist to just drop it after a few months of no feedback.  I just have the blues and it can feel lonely. I watch past classmates land these phenomenal jobs. I just desperately wish that for myself. Maybe these next six weeks have some good news in store?

Published by Emma Rathe