I think I've done it. 

I wrote my goals for the year out a month or so ago. The first one I think was "get 5 prizes" Well I return to you a changed man. 

I sat 6 exams in the last two weeks, that's why this blog has been so sparse and empty because I didn't really want to exert that much brainpower on anything else.

I've had 4 back: Chinese, Biology, Chemistry and Physics. Chinese I did okay, 97% I'm not really pissed, I knew I wasn't going to get full marks because I hadn't really revised much and the revision I did do was useless, preparing for essays that had no chance of appearing in the paper instead of looking over tricky vocab so that tripped me up.

Biology was a little scarier. I walk into class and my teacher drops a "oh you dropped a bunch of marks" which makes me shit myself. We have some banter about how if I keep talking in class she'll take off marks until I hit 0, I quip "oh so I'm that close" and I think everyone in the class wants to kill me. I get 93% which I believe is the highest in the year.

Chemistry is 95%, I'm still terrified that someone will beat me, so when my friend turns around and asks me what I get I almost faint, but turns out I still got higher.

Physics was terrifying. My class was last to get ours back and before hand it just seemed nightmarish. The first class to get it back just destroys everyone's expectations. This one supersmart kid gets 52% and the world goes mad. Another who got 100% the previous year only gets 77%. This new kid who is a lowkey beast gets 87% which astonishes the world as he's new and yeah no one really touches that. I get to class and get my paper handed out, open the front page and realise I got 95%. Apparently word spreads like wildfire because my friend comes up to me saying 5 people told him on his way out of school which is strange considering we only had 40 minutes since I found out.

Is this a gloat post? Maybe. But rather I think it's to just remind myself that the only reason I got this was through hard work and not to start thinking I'm some natural talent. The problem with having literally no memory is that I can't remember everything I did to get here. I did a hell of a lot of work and honestly it probably wasn't even worth it in terms of things I had to give up in order to do it.

I think what is cool is that I achieved something that I had set out to do. At times especially just before exams I would freak out, no way was I going to do it - it seemed unbelievable, in recent memory not that many people have done that many prizes and they were natural beasts. I think it is a confidence issue not thinking I can actually do what I set out to do. Like I say a lot I have a history of doing things I set out to do but honestly h there isn't that much I've done and this addition does really help.

Plus it really helps with university being able to say I smashed it because I set my head to it and worked for it. 

So yeah, pretty happy- though not as happy as I thought I would have been. 

Another small note, I've envisioned these exams for a while and in my imagination I thought I woud've worked a lot harder and made lots more sacrifices. I was sure that I would've turned off my phone for the duration of exams and for the month prior not do anything other than study. But I didn't do any of that, there is still definitely room for improvement and only being singularly focussed but it's going well I think. 

Still have English and Maths to get back, hopefully they go well but who knows what'll happen.