You wake up on a Monday morning feeling like cat piss. It hurts because you know that even cat piss is way better than how you feel. You spend a substantial amount of time trying to imagine if you ever experienced anything good or if you were just born to be a tragedy and how you don’t see anything stopping you from dying as one.


You look out through your rusty window; you discover the sun is bright. The hot sun burns and even leaves a mark on your face and you wish you could experience just an eon of that brightness in your life.

As you continue in your unusual almost perfect trance, you realize that the intensity of the sun keeps increasing. It dawns on you that the day is dawn and that without immeasurable doubt you are running late for school.


You hurry out of bed hence dashing your feet against old cans which you have no idea how they made way into your impeccable room. You sigh and let out superfluous curse words which eases your pain and makes you feel like piss this time and not necessarily cat piss.


 You get into the bath tub only to realize your heater has suddenly gone bad. It was pretty hot when you woke up but right now it feels like it has been snowing all night. You begin to wonder how you started your day backward; you know you are staring death in the face. You have to take that scary cold bath you spent your whole life avoiding. You struggle through the cold bath only to struggle out to see that the power is gone. At this moment, you begin to imagine if the devil is your neighbor and what you may have done to him to deserve so much evil for the day that is yet to begin.

You arrive at school late which is not surprising. You thought you were experiencing a bad day all along when your Quantum Physics professor walks in and says you have a surprise test that constitutes 50 % of your final assessment for the year. Tears hot as lava begin to roll down your face. You begin to remember that even the times when you prepared for Quantum Physics the whole night you barely struggled to pass the 50% threshold mark. As the tears continue to roll, you begin to imagine if the devil had actually followed you to class that day as opposed to if he had been following you all your life. 


Nobody opposes or argues with the Quantum Physics professor concerning the test. You are not surprised about this. Your class is full of Asians and those who are not Asians are mixed breed of Asians still. You are so weak you manage to mutter “bastards”. Ah, that gives you life and hope that there are still good things in this world.


The long 3 hour test begins. It is then your pen runs out of ink. You are happy, why should you be sad? You would fail the test anyway, so at least right now, you have gotten a befitting excuse for failure. Your professor realizes what you are going through and drops 2 royal blue pens on your table. This angers you because now you know that not only are you going to fail, you are going to fail in grand royal style. But then again, you manage to mutter “Bastard” and this gives you life.

You somehow manage to come out of the test hall without dying of depression, but then you meet that death at the cafeteria when you realize you have left home without your debit card. You literally break down - a hungry man is an angry man but an angry hungry man is a wasted man. You decide you have had enough for the day and it was time to get home.


You get to the bus stop just for the bus to leave in your presence. Again you mutter “Bastards” but this time it doesn’t give you life.


At this moment the devil reminds you that the next bus was going to arrive only in a few 3 hours’ time. You wish you still had enough tears; you wish you had tears that would last you for the remaining 2 hours 59 minutes 58 seconds.


You bring out your phone to play Temple Run and your battery runs faster than you and eventually dies. You wished you were the one that died instead of the battery. You wish this because clearly you don’t deserve to live.

As you stand motionlessly a flying bird defecates on your face. You tell the bird thank you for reminding you how shit your life was. The shit is smelly but you endure it because nothing is more smelling than your life.


You get home just to see your neighbor’s house in flames. You get close and then realize that the smoky house was your house actually - that heater that wasn’t working in the morning began to work just as you left for school. You are sad not for your burning house but for the fact that you didn’t burn with the house.


The fire service manages to put out the fire from your house but then they didn’t put out the fire in your life. You mutter “Bastards” like they were responsible for the fire.

The postman brings you a letter. You haven’t received a letter since you got to Canada. You shake your head vigorously and begin to think of all the evil things that were yet to exist in this world because you have experienced all the existing evils. You open the letter. You fall into your chair and collapse. You have won the $10 million lottery.


Are you having a bad day? Get over yourself. It's only a bad day, not a bad life. 



This article was originally published on the 23rd October 2014 on

Published by Etenwa Manuel