My most recent trip to my GP resulted in me being signed off work for a further four weeks. I have mixed emotions about this because on one hand the professionals say that being in work is really good for anxiety suffers,however they also say it isn’t good for you depending on how anxious or depressed you are. The previous two weeks I have been signed off for I have been researching the causes and triggers of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. 

By doing this research it has helped me explore the possible causes which has lead to my brain having Generalized Anxiety Disorder. These causes could be being the victim of bullying or even being the bully itself. A poor childhood or even a poor relationship with your parents. Who would’ve thought that such a minor issue could lead to such a horrible illness. 

I am struggling to finish writing this as what I am about to write is very, very personal. Whilst I was in primary school I was massively bullied, I went through hell for the first couple of years which no one child should have to suffer through. Unfortunately for me this didn’t make me weak and lonely and scared it had the opposite effect. It made me very strong minded and very strong wield. (Yes this may be a good thing), however it wasn’t as it made me a bully myself. This made me think about why I bullied the people I bullied and I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be feared and wanted to be in control. I was such a stupid little girl who befriended the wrong people and as a group we did the things we did for fun. 

It’s true when they say karma bites you on the arse. It certainly feels like I am being punished for what happened in my past. I have changed dramatically from who I used to be. I love the person I am today and maybe what happened in the past happened for a reason ? 

I am unable to give those that I bullied the years back that I caused pain and suffering too, however I am now wanting to help those who are currently going through the pain i not only caused but felt myself. I would like to help those who need it as the help,was never there for me. Why should others go through what I did ? 

Between myself and the GPs we are working together to minimise the anxiety and depression in which I am currently suffering. So this is step one of many to come. 

If bullied don’t become the bully. Once that bridge has been crossed there is no turning back, I learnt that the hard way!

Published by Katie Simpson