Being Christian for me doesn't mean that I'm perfect. It also doesn't mean I do everything as it says I should nor does it mean I am better than someone else who doesn't believe. See, I fought against this for the longest time; I didn't want to be Christian. I thought I had it going on; me and God had a deal. I didn't need a middleman. I didn't need to go to a church and I surely didn't need to be around a bunch of Holy Rollers who look down at me and thought they were better than me because they were "perfect". I didn't think that church could help me; I was fine.

 

I was spiritual; I believed in God but somehow God knows what you need and then he puts those people in your life to show you the way. I have the most amazing friends and they just happened to all be Christians. They would talk to me all the time about God and church and even my friends at work, during lunch, but I would say "yeah, yeah, yeah" but yet they still kept talking to me.

 

They knew that God had them on this path to help me even though I didn't know it. My life at that point was so bad that I would cry myself to sleep every night in the bathtub after drinking and taking sleeping pills to try to erase the pain I was feeling. However, in my mind, I was good; I didn't need any help and I had this under control.

 

However, these women kept praying for me day after day. They kept putting stuff in my spirit about God and they never gave up on me. My one friend Joanie would tell me all the time "You're more Christian than most of my Christian friends, you do things from your heart...God is just waiting for you" and I would always smile and say "Thanks but I'm good with him". The day when the bottom dropped out was when I lost my mom and my world fell apart; I had hit rock bottom. My marriage was a scam, I was miserable, my world was spinning out of control and I couldn't go on with this facade one day longer.

 

It was that day that I laid on the floor and I cried out to God because I needed his help. I couldn't do this by myself anymore; it was then that he opened up yet another door for me. He brought a co-worker into my life who brought me to her church and as they say, the rest is history. I don't go to church because I am perfect. I go because I was broken and needed fixing and I keep going now because I am so grateful that he has put this peace and joy in my life.

 

I'm still not perfect and I can tell you I will never be perfect. I curse, I break all kinds of commandments, I am just trying to be better each day, sometimes I reach that goal, most times I fall short but here's the thing about God, he keeps forgiving you, he covers you with his grace and mercy so you can keep trying to be the best person you can be.

 

Look at all of Jesus apostles. They were the bottom of the barrel: thieves, liars, murders and yet he believed they could change. We can all change. Don't worry about those fake church people who think they are "holier" than you; it's not about them. It's about you... You and God and a place you can find his word with others who are also broken and are looking to be healed. Don't let them or anything else hold you back from finding your peace because I am living proof that your life can change 180 degrees if you let go and let God.

 

Believe me, there are people out there praying for you as well. They recognize the greatness God has put into you even if you can't see it for yourself. We all need some help. We all need some prayers. We all need to know that anything is possible if you believe.

 

"Be the change you want to see"
  
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life was over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

 

***Now available***
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Published by Francesca Villardi (Treadmill Treats)