When am going through problems or being troubled I tend to keep off from the people I love them most – my parents. I get scared to tell them what is happening especially for my dad because that’s how he raised me. If we are not talking about educational stuff then there’s nothing to talk about between me and him.

I preferred to keep off. Keep my problems and my troubled mind to myself.

Some years back, my life just turned upside down. The world was eating me up slowly and unknowingly. I made bad decisions which got me into sticky situations – am not ready to talk about. I spoiled my relationship with my dad and since my mother was never around when growing up, her advice did not stop me from doing what I had to do. 

“Who are you to tell me what I have to do? You were never around. Why now?”My thoughts then.

I remember I got suspended from University because of my bad decisions and I never cared how much money my dad had spent on me from born-day. I was ready to give it all up and let the world just feed me what it had to feed me.

Things took a wrong turn that I started having suicidal thoughts. Laying in that bath tub with a scissors in my hand wondering, what is the use of life? Why am I here in the first place? What’s the use of living? Why am I being treated so differently from the others? Maybe it’s my fault for being born.

 

I don’t know what snapped me back to reality but something did. I keep telling myself it was God. He knew that my purpose in this life is much more and what I was going through was just a test. 

Only my mother knew about this day. It has always been a secret from the other family members until today. I wouldn’t want those thoughts to ever come back. But at least now I know I got my mother when I need her.

The reason for my story is;

I got a message from a friend this morning, it read, “I cut myself and I thought drinking will help with the pain but dieing hurts like a bitch. I cut my wrists up because apparently that’s the only painless way to go. Someone just bleeds out peacefully, you get?” 

At first I thought it was a joke but we kept talking and he was repeating of how he just wants to take out his life. How he feels so empty inside. How his going through so much and he doesn’t know how to get out of these situations so that was his plan.

I informed some of his friends who stay nearby and I was disturbed with the information I got back. His left wrist was slashed deep and he was on his right wrist. He had smashed a bulb on the floor and that is what he used to cut himself. He was drunk and on his phone, he had even googled how to get the wrist vein for a quick death.

He was rushed to a close by clinic. 

I do understand where his coming from, the problems he has and this was not the first time his told me his tired of life. I just did not think he would give so easily.

My fellow Bloggers, how do I help him? How do I snap him back to reality?He thanked me for helping him but he told me I have ruined his plans which were to just go peacefully? I tried to convince with advice and strength. I even told him that suicidal is a sin and he will go straight to hell. But his reply was, ‘Whatever happens, happens.. There’s no use for me to be around this place. I have been through hell here so whatever is waiting for me beyond, am not scared’. Then he swore to me that his made up his mind and he will still do it.

I know his going through depression and tough times. I just cannot think of a way to pull him out from it.

Am scared!

This post is inspired by daily post fightstumpslog and perplexed

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Published by Doreen Eshinali