I met Gay the other day, happily out of the closet Ms Gay. She was smart, sexy, sassy, creative, ambitious, and down- right cultured. It was an eye popping experience that’s left me baffled and conscious about the I within.  

I’ve heard about her from a distant, be it through gay pride, Ellen Degeneres, Elton John, Tom Ford and our darling Somizi. Advocates championing for social and political emancipation for Gay. As a result our eyes hardly connected and my version of her was collected from bits and pieces extracted from the world around me. She had her charms, however I wasn’t fishing in that river hence I hardly contemplated testing the waters as I embraced my Straightness in my cocoa curves.

Was I curious of her? Hardly. It just never crossed my mind. All I knew was that I loved bananas, big, juicy, thick bananas, squirt in my mouth, all day every day bananas. Now here I was being serenaded by Ms Eve, baffling but a part of me was intrigued. It was an awing moment, like pacing an art gallery surrounded by Picasso, Vincent Van Gogh, Da Vinci, Monet, Kahlo, with Mozart on the airway; heavenly. Not the reception I had in mind, but in all honesty Gay was sweeping me of my feet and the idea was tempting.

The thing is we born male, female to age in holy matrimony with the other and defiance to such is shot down with religion and moral bullets. Its complexities are highlighted and divisible by homo, hetro, metro and trans elements. The thing is I’m of a rib as Eve hence enjoy being romanced by a brut, chiselled, sexy, Adam and the flirtations from an Eve were non-existent, until here after.

When did I, my Eve-ness enjoy the attention from a she. It just happened. Five days in I’m left contemplating how I have crossed the fine seamless line of bisexuality. How is it that I’m left all smitten for Eve when all I’ve ever been attracted to was an Adam; tall, dark chocolate, muscled, well packaged all man every day Adam. Now Eve has left me reminiscing about her as I would Adam and its left me confused and lost in the world of sexuality. I’m floating in a bubble a week ago I had no idea existed. How this bi layer found it’s way in my inner innocent, blackberry, angelic birth-suit has left me perplexed and further more disconcerted.

I have never had anything against any form of sexuality, I’m a liberal at heart and non-judgemental to any form of sexuality for that matter. I respect individuality and feel I have no right to judge the other be it through race, religion, or sexual elements. I was raised to embrace and be accepting to others irrespective of our differences. I believe I’m no better than the other and I have no right to stand on a pedestal and spit hate and vulgarity all in the name of morality. Now my inner other is knocking and I’m fighting tooth and nail to keep her chained and bolted all in the name of whom? I guess in all honesty morality and sanity.

When Eve and I hooked up were like peanut butter and jam, strawberry and cream, better yet salt and pepper. We have been lost in our own worlds, exchanging narratives only us comprehended. How did this chapter unfold? It began with a bomb shell ‘’ I have a crush on you.” She said. I looked up and I could see she meant every word. “Oh Shit!” eyes wide opened, it felt like Mohammad Ali had just punched every bit of air out of my torso. It was TKO, I stammered, stumbled, staggered and my sanity hit the floor. She repeated it word for word but my face failed to meet hers, all I did was hold the cup of coffee for dear life. “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that” I managed to stutter. Masked with embarrassment, I had never been attracted to an Eve, yet here I was face to face with sassy Eve and I was left hot under the collar.

Palms sweaty, knees weak, I was tangled in a spider web of a gal crush. However to avoid any confusion I deleted all traces of Eve hence I have no idea how our story would have panned out. She’s no Adam but there’s something breath-taking about Eve, and I can’t seem to put my finger on it. Her hugs are filled with emotion, warmth, and comfort. Her touch was like no other, it was sensitive, gentle, light as a feather, damn electrifying and left me hot and giddy under my melanin.

Since Eve I have been contemplating on whether I am a heels or sneakers kinda gal or is it both? It’s been an introspective look at self. I’m clueless as to the answer, but guess I will discover it along the way. Eve left me questioning my identity, who am I really besides the chocolate butter and fro. What if I was born to hold hands with an Eve and walk down the aisle, however far-fetched it may be, it goes against my orthodox conservative upbringing and I doubt my parents will fully acknowledge the idea.

My parents are born within a rural framework and raised in a traditional spectrum. One where Eve and her are non- existent and thoughts of such are blasphemous and furthermore, sadistic. The idea of an Eve as a partner will be shunned with prayer and mphepho - incense. It will be unacceptable. It is such fear that drives me to keep my distance with Eve as I explore my fairy tail ending with an Adam. As a result my darling Eve will never know what an impression she made, the extent of my affection and whether she would have been a perfect, compatible pair of heels from my usual sneakers.

 

 

 

Published by Murunwa Netshisaulu