I haven't blogged since June of 2017. I'm making an assumption that this is due to a lack of urge to write about what I've learned or experienced, or maybe it's because I've gotten busier, or maybe it's a lack of interest. It may even be because I'm happier now, because I think I write some of my favorite things when I'm hurt or lost or feel a little broken. It's likely a combination of all of those. With that being said, I'm not feeling hurt or lost or a feeling a little broken right now either. I'm blogging again because I need to start blogging again.

I'm going to start counting how many times a day I hear someone say the phrase "I need to _____." I think we say that and hear that more than we realize. I need to go to the gym. I need to finish this report. I need to make a dentist appointment.  Something tells me that humans feel like when they acknowledge their needs out loud, they're off the hook because, well, at least they acknowledged it. There's definitely something about making a public announcement to other people that makes us feel like we are held accountable to it. Well now I have to get that cavity filled because I told Janet at work that I had it and I told her I needed to make the appointment so I should make the appointment. I can't be the only person like this.

But how often do you think we actually fulfill those things that we say we need to (especially the ones we didn't even say out loud to Janet or the ones we think we can keep putting off, like an oil change)? My hypothesis is not as much as we think. 

I'm challenging myself in 2019 to listen to my own needs; to simply turn off the other opinions, the doubt, the criticism, the skepticism, the fear, the laziness, the excuses, the putting-off-an-oil-change-until-my-car-blows-up bullshit. It sounds so much easier than we think. It kind of reminds me of an infant. When they need something, they just cry or scream. They're hungry, they cry. They're tired, they cry. They don't hold back. I'm not sure where we lost the ability to simply just identify what we need and to just do it or to just ask for it.

Now I'm not saying that you should scream at the top of your lungs in your car on your way to Target because you remembered I need to do laundry this weekend. Just listen to yourself; listen to what your mind and your body and your responsibilities are trying to tell you. One of the most hopeless feelings is  feeling lost or broken and not knowing what you need. Start by saying I am feeling ____. I want to feel ____. To get there, I need to ____. 

I am feeling anxious about getting my reports done this week. I want to feel like I'm not behind at work. To get there, I need to cancel my plans to get drinks with Janet tonight (who's Janet? I literally know 0 Janet's).

I am feeling unhealthy and lethargic. I want to feel confident and healthy and full of energy again. To get there, I need to look up recipes on how to sneak spinach into my meals and find fun, practical work out programs that work for me.

I realize that this seems incredibly simple at face value. But sometimes we feel things in which we don't know why or how we got there. Sometimes we feel a little broken slowly over time and don't realize it until we can't even tell ourselves what we need.

I need to call Mariah this week. I need to eat more protein. I need to find new music. I need to study more for Research Methods. 

Published by Marissa Walters