download-76GUESS WHO’S GOING BACK TO SCHOOL? Nah I wish, though, so I can get on my Nikki Parker and stalk my Professor Olgevee, LOL. My love life has been deader than Rob Kardashian’s self-esteem, but I’m not complaining. I haven’t wanted a relationship or the stress of worrying about someone else, but I met someone and I might be willing to try a relationship ONE more time. I’m not rushing into anything and have done a very good job of protecting myself, but keeping my guard up and denying the feelings developing for him only makes me want him more. After weeks, maybe even months, of playing phone games, I agreed to meet for drinks, but him working 40 jobs and my work schedule being unpredictable, that never happened.

Being that I’m a piece of work, dating me is difficult and I’ll let you know that upfront. I know not everyone can handle me and I’ve gotten my heart broken for being “too much” download-78and needing too much attention. The screening process you go through before being considered as a candidate to date me is probably equivalent to a federal screening when applying to work for the government.

You can’t be a pushover but you can’t be an asshole either! You gotta be able to let me 87uknow, “BTCH, YOU’RE TRIPPIN! I DON’T CARE HOW LONG STARBUCKS DRIVE THRU IS, YOU’RE NOT GOING TO TAKE THAT OUT ON ME!” You have to have a sense of humor and be able to take a joke because I’m very sarcastic and have a smart ass mouth. You can’t be too playful, and need know when to be serious, and don’t be rough with me! I’m lazy but I love cooking, deep tissue massages, Brazilian hair, handbags, and heels. So patience, a good paying job along and being good with your hands is a must. I like attention but love my space, I’ll cuddle but can’t sleep like that because I get hot and I’m not a morning person so don’t wake me up for SHT! I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE DYING, MY NUMBER ISN’T 911! I can’t help you no way, my caregiving license expired, After hearing all that, most men would be like FCK IT, but his response was, “okay.”

 7tY’all know I LOVE an older man, right? Well, he’s not older like my grandpa, he’s my parent’s age, now that I think about it. Oh lord, I can hear my mom now! My mom wants me to date someone my age, she said someone 26ish would even be okay with her. Hopefully, my ex taught her an older man may not be so bad after all. He’s so shy, it’s sweet. At first, I thought maybe it could have been a front but no he’s just like that. I’m assuming by his smart ass comments and jokes, he’s getting comfortable with me, but then again our conversation about oral sex, strippers and me questioning if having a fat vajayjay was a good thing could have heavily influenced it.

download-79I’m still a baby, and I don’t know shit, he’s a MAN, who I’m sure knows not only want he wants, but what he wants to do and how to do it, AND I DON’T. What Miguel did say? “TEACH ME TRAIN ME GUIDE ME, BABE!” I mean that’s why I date older men,  they teach me things boys my age probably won’t learn for another 20 years, but I’m judging from his massages and how he kisses my body, UGH! He’d make me lose my mind, and I don’t want to disappoint him. That’s crazy to me because normally I don’t care about pleasing men, I know my punani is A1, but I don’t want to be that lazy lover with him. I want to make him feel the same way he makes me feel, if not better, so what do I do? I know he likes strippers,  heels, and cat suits. I have stripper outfits and heels for days!!! Am I thinking too much into this? I hope I don’t sound ridiculous, I just want the first time to not be a let down. I want to make him consider marrying me, or better yet buying me this satchel I saw for $264, that’s cheap, lol. Not sure why I care so much, but I really wanna make him happy. He deserves it, so tell me. What should I do?

Published by ShylahBoss Lee