That was me, on my last day at work in December last year – I’m 38 weeks pregnant and I think my baby is coming next week. (Obvs she is going to be early, even though EVERYBODY is telling me to settle in for a long wait because she is baby number 1 and they make you wait. Not my girl…she’ll be here for Christmas, I’ve already bought her reindeer socks. We are going to be different, we will be early…this is what I told my pregnant self. Ha ha. Naive first time Mum!)

We waited. 3 weeks. We. Waited. And they took FOREVER!! Longest three weeks of my life, I’m sure of it! And now, after what seems like a lightening fast nine months off, I’m going back to work. Tomorrow. How the hell did that happen so fast?

Let me start by saying that I KNOW that I am one of the lucky ones. I’ve had the privilege of being home with my girl for eight wonderful months – that is more than double what most people get! But while I know this makes me lucky, it does not make tomorrow any easier.

I’ve not been too bothered about my return to work, but suddenly tonight as I’m preparing my things for work tomorrow, I’ve got ALL the feelings. 

I’m dreading the early mornings off the back of (still) sleepless nights. I’m sad to miss playtime and nap time and all-day-with-Josie time. I’m anxious about fitting back into the swing of things at work, nervous about adjusting to new people in the office (where I’ve only ever been “the pregnant girl”). I’m feeling guilty for leaving my girl, but not guilty about being me and pursuing my things and doing what I need to do. I feel guilty for being a working Mum, but proud to show my girl that you can work and be a Mum. 

I feel overwhelming grateful to have my own my Mum here to be with Josie in the day…so very grateful – tomorrow could be so much worse without her here! I also feel encouraged by all the working mamas that I know who are happy and have happy kiddos…in a couple of weeks time, that will be us.

Just like when I thought “we would be different” when I was 38 weeks preggo, like my world was going to end while I waited after being pregnant for eternity….all was fine. All worked out as it should have, in the bottom of my heart (and my head) I know that that’s true about going back to work too….its just really really REALLY far at the bottom tonight, but that’s ok.

I’m looking forward to next chapter. “Working Mama”….let’s just hope mama still knows how to work it!

This article originally appeared on www.beingmumme.com.  If you liked what you read here, you can find more articles just like this one on that site.