Holy fuck.

It was the last thing that he ever texted me and the first thing that entered my mind that night.

People have always said, “Without my best friend, I wouldn’t know what to do.”

At first, this holds true.

As the months went by, a lot of people have caught me gazing out into the distance.

My mind would reach far back into the film. The part where he was still with me.

The distance I stared into became the scene and I the willing lead actor and he, the one that played an unforgettable cameo.

My lips would swirl upward into a smile, my eyes dropping low, and everyone else around me asking, “You there?”

I say yes but my heart always replies, “That was my favorite part.”

It was hard knowing what to do at first because when my entire childhood schedule was carving memories with our hands deep within the soil that the Earth would also never forget, how could I ever leave the ground again?

They ask, “Do you think of him often?”

I can put it this way.

Every single time you blink, you see the darkness, right?

When I blink, within that quick moment, memories flicker like fireworks on his favorite holiday.

I remember staying up all night, scrolled through our conversation on my phone.

How fitting it was he left me with, “Holy fuck.”

As if to say life is just filled with moments and blank spaces where I can just fill in the blank with, well you know.