Part II

     “Christmas in Killarney where all the folks are home…..”

      “I am dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones we used to know

     Where the tree tops glisten and children listen….”

        She has her hand against her chest in a sigh

         It is the tree of strength

          It is grandpa

         It is a monument to our family 

         It reminds me of the years past

          She exclaims at last 

         “It is the most beautiful tree I have ever seen, Kaite.”   (CAH)

 

     I am a shadow hidden by the shade

      I watch her fade away

      Why is it so clear to me

      She wants to remember 

      It is beyond her now.

      Thin and failing body 

      Lost and forgotten soul

     A woman who had such a voice

     Like thunder rolling in on a tropical storm

     Is silenced by mortalities curse, age. 

      “We sold her house today.”

      I remember when the house was alive

      Breathing with a heart beating

      The people that went in and out gave it strength

      We were its life.

       She would sway across the living room floor

       “Dancing cheek to cheek…” 

        Laughing as she would plie’ into the kitchen

        Green fades with beige and white

        Blue like the couch, and black like the night

        She is in my dream on the ground

        I can not tell if she’s alive

        She is face down into the gray carpet

         I am running through the door

         The faster I run the father away she is

         I am hopeless

        “I never meant to cause you trouble, I never meant to cause you harm…”

         

       Part III

         The dream is real

         The danger is near

         I am in the tempest of fear

         I walk in and there she is

         Radio is alive and she’s on the floor

         Maybe this too is a dream,

        Maybe I am insane?

         No one believes me

         “I am what I am, I’ll do what I want…I can’t hide…I won’t go...I can’t breathe..”

         She is gone in the white van with lights

         I am left lost

          I know this is the beginning 

          Of the end. 

 

        In and out she goes

        Where she stops no one knows

         Nursing home, place, assisted living

        All adjectives I am sick of

         All lost their feeling

         Locked ones unlocked ones,

        Doors with locks but no key

        My mind is a swirl

         Why so many times?

         Why so many places? 

          “You used to speak so easy…your afraid to talk to me….it’s like walking with the wounded… out there with the wounded… and were missing you…”

         My life is a tempest,

         I am the continent being battered

         By the storm

         My personal El Nino

          

       Part IV

          “Sometimes it takes a long time for the candle to burn out… sometimes it takes a long time for the bird to fly the coup.”   (CAH)

             I sit there in the dark 

             Listening to her chat

             She and I are from the same cloth

             Same blood, same bone

             We were on the same page always

              But now things are different

              The pages are ripped and torn

               The book works backwards

               Erasing words, thoughts, hopes

               I race to read its contents 

              All that’s left is lost phrases to a song

             In my mind I recall a time when we read it together

             I am left to read it alone. 

              The book of life is mine to discover

               

               I walk alone now on this road

               With her notes in my head

                And his words in my heart

                Why can’t I replay time?

                I wonder if the choices I make are right

                Would they exclaim “Oh, NO!” 

                 Would they say “it will be alright ?” 

                  Time will tell for me

                 If this book is the one that will save me  

                  Or damn me. 

                  I fill its pages now with hope.

 

Notes from the Writer: The music mentioned above helped form the backdrop for this piece. In honor of CAH. 

  •  Christmas in Killarney - Bing Crosby
  • White Christmas- Bing Crosby
  • Cheek to Cheek - Fred Astaire
  • Trouble - Coldplay
  • Here with me -Dido
  • Wounded- Third Eye Blind