Resilience or our ability to bounce back quickly is an art, not a science. This may explain why it remains in the realms of religion and artists. Not too long ago, I realized I was born to pass on my "resilience" art form to this world. That and also developing tools to nurture emotional and spiritual balance in the midst of chaos.  Before I dive into the solutions, I need to share a little about me.

Although I was born with deep compassion for all life, I didn't always practice resilience and compassion towards myself. In some respects, I was spoiled.  Born in Haiti, the "baby" in a family of overachievers who started out life with a shared guilt wound many girls can relate to -- I came out without a penis (I was the last hope for a boy baby). I quickly learn to believe in my inadequacies instead of my strengths.

Being pigeon-holed as a source of infinite love for many, I call it the good girl syndrome, I learned to use my beauty and my charm to get my way early on. I also learned to suppress aspects of my wholeness at an early age which caused senseless inner violence or torment later on. I had to learn resilience as I felt my personal pain had no place in this world and had to be hidden from view. I played a "good daughter" role on the outside while suffering deeply on the inside.  My Emi (Yoruba for the breath of life) was being sucked out of me willingly.
 
While I was deceptively small in stature, it was unclear to me what my Soul was/is so huge. I gather if I were born few billion years ago, I'd take the shape of a T-Rex to encase it entirely. So it may be to some people's surprise that the once skinny neck, big eyes, 5ft 3 girly girl nicknamed Amoutou (beloved one) who wore pink tutus and wanted to be a ballerina is tough skinned, pretty hard-core and has sharp teeth. 
 
Over the years, I've learned why pain is often an opportunity for greater depths. I build tolerance while studying occult literature and learning how to show up in this world as a high priestess of my inner secret cult(ure). While I'm a far cry from being a Shaolin monk, I've come to appreciate the lessons of pain has to offer us when developing mental and spiritual resilience.
 
The truth is our pain is a necessary part of life and is something we must experience deeply, then let go off.  It is holding onto pain that causes suffering. Suffering comes from holding onto grief - when we chose not to accept all facets of a situation.
We cannot run away from ourselves. Pain is a part of life. To let go of our grief, we must embrace it. While my strategy may not work for everyone, history (and a few thousand books and millions of people) tells me it will work for many.


So, here's my offering to you. How I bounce back quickly:
 
#1 - I don't take anything personally. Thanks to one of the best books I ever read, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I've embraced his thought forms in all of my living cells. Yes, I still feel pain, I'm not a machine. However, when things happen that generate painful emotions or situations, I don't see it as a vengeful god trying to get even with me or some other off-balanced view of my world. I see it as an actuality of living.
 
#2 - Remember everything is temporary. Bad days don't last forever. Neither does good days. I've been through enough cycles of "bad and good days" that I look forward to seeing the process of change unfold in my life. It's usually an interesting phenomenon when we step outside of ourselves to view our life in action and learn the part we played in it. What most people perceive as bad situations or bad "luck," I now see as an opportunity to get to know areas I need to grow within me for spiritual evolution.
 
Learning to dive into our pain to learn the lessons it has come to teach us takes a lot of practice and work. As long as we try to blame other people, scream at the unfairness of it all, we will miss the chance to grow or evolve spiritually.  The blame game is our lower ego's best tool. It keeps us from ever seeing the parts we play. All of our experiences is 100% our part. Until you get our lessons, detached observation of our lower self in action is somewhat complicated. When we are feeling a pain of any kind, it's most likely our demons causing it. Until we fully accept that, we will keep blaming others and chasing solutions outside of ourselves. Most often in the forms of a superstar, athlete, god, saint, or savior.  For most people, it doesn't matter as long as its bigger than their perception of their inner life force.
 
#3 - Love yourself unconditionally. That one usually sends resistance into people's joints. I'm still not sure why. I imagine it because we don't believe it exists and that we can access it for ourselves. Unconditional love is pretty simple; it's love without any form of resistance. Like everything in this polarized realm it shows up here with two sides. This is an advanced concept, so for some of you just remember the resistance is there to protect you from yourself. Loving you without feeling the need to protect yourself from you can blow up a few brain cells trying to understand how ultimately we are the cause of our own pain.
 
It requires rediscovering, reconnecting and remembering who and what we are at our core and accepting all of it. For me,  this took years of deep self-evaluations, hosts of self-help books, expensive therapy, meditations in mountain tops, 7-9 religions, failed relationships, failed careers, addiction to exercise and chocolate and some PG13 and R rated experiences that I will only share in person. My journey thought me to appreciate all of my layers and have profound compassion for myself. This type of self-love is not rosy; it takes courage because this world will send you messages that you are not worthy of your love and compassion. This is not true. Until we can do this for ourselves, we are not authentic. Just more pretense and acting out roles we've been taught to believe as real without any logical self or worldly evaluations.
 
How do these three things help us bounce back? They give us the tools we need to remove blockages which prevent us from learning our lesson. Once we learn OUR lesson, moving on is relatively straightforward. Notice I said simple, not easy. The process of facing ourselves in the midst of painful changes takes inner courage. 
 
While there's so much more I could say on this subject; I must stop here. I've developed a template that you too can use to learn how to dislodge yourself from crisis or chaotic situations. It isn't magick, but it is magical because it can open doors to a new way of seeing the world.  Yes, I have magick tools too. I do have to offer a caution, my template is only for those who are ready to face their "stuff," warts and beauty marks. while it is simple, it will require you to face your own issues. On the other side lies self-awareness, acceptance, compassion and greater love. Contact me at tutu@sodotutu.net or visit www.sodotutu.net for details. 
 
Create a better world!
Tutu
www.sodotutu.net
Rediscover
Reconnect
Remember