Some people are so significant in our lives that the mere thought of losing them and living without them feels incredibly overwhelming and incapacitating. It’s never easy when a marriage or a significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split may be, a break up can turn one's whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. Losing someone you love is hard enough but what’s even more challenging is accepting the loss. So is there a way to deal with the yearning? Can you cope with the sense of emptiness that is left after a breakup? Can you just let go and not look like a complete loser or a desperate psycho? The answer is yes! There are plenty of things you can do to get through this difficult time and move on. You can even learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.

Allowing you to feel the pain and grief may sound a little scary and it might scare you that your emotions will be too intense and will stuck you in a dark place forever. But remember that grief is essential to heal and no matter how strong your pain is, time has a way of healing it; it won’t last forever. Besides, grieving the first step towards accepting that a relationship that you once nurtured is dead and it’s time for you to move on.

THE DO’s AND DON’Ts

This is what you are supposed to do to deal with a break-up.

1. STOP BEING A STALKER:

Delete their phone numbers, delete all the chats, text messages, emails and block them everywhere: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Skype, Snapchat, and Whatsapp. Don’t post any depressing quotes or emotional posts on your social media accounts that will embarrass you in the future. And if they’ve blocked you already, just don’t add anymore to your humiliation by calling them from a landline or making fake accounts to follow them. Just don’t!

2. TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS:

Support from friends or family is critical to healing or moving on. You might feel like you’re strong enough but trust me isolating yourself will only make it worse. Don’t try to get through a break up on your own. Call your friend, sibling, cousin or a confidant and talk to them. Don’t ask them to be mutual with your ex, just tell them what happened and cry to them. They’ll know the right things to say and they’ll help you remind your worth. So be with your friends who won’t judge you and be pathetic around them and hash all your feeling out.

3. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF:

A break-up can be highly stressful and can leave you psychologically and physically vulnerable. When you’re going through the emotional wringer it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. Make positive changes around you, get plenty of rest and reduce your work-load. Go for a walk in nature, watch movies, listen to good happy music, enjoy a dinner, read books and do whatever makes you happy.

4. DON’T WALLOW IN SELF-PITY:

You cannot alter the past or undo what happened. What you can do is to learn from your mistakes and not repeat them in future. So even if your relationship was a total failure, you can turn your break-up into a learning experience. Instead of self-pitying and destroying yourself, learn and grow from it. Learn how to channel your anger toward the breakup in a healthy way. And if you feel that nothing is helping, see a therapist or join a support group.

6. KEEP YOUR SELF ESTEEM HIGH:

It’s important to talk to people who care but you should know where to put a full stop. If your ex comes up in conversation, try to keep it short and avoid sliding into a dark space. You may think you’re picturing your ex as a horrible person by talking shit, but by doing so you’re actually tainting their view of you. Negativity has never been a good look on anybody, and talking bitter about your ex never has the outcome you want it to. So just avoid it. Don’t destroy your self-esteem or lose your self-respect in some desperate attempt to make your ex miserable. The only person it’ll effect will be you and trust me you don’t want that. So do something different to take your mind off. Like pick up a new hobby, get a new hairdo, learn a new language, try to cook Chinese food, go on a trip with friends or just catch up on things you’ve always wanted to do. Learn to recognize your self-worth.

7. BE PATIENT:

It’s an unfair misconception to think that people having a hard time letting go are weak. A breakup disrupts almost every area of your life. It amplifies feelings of stress, uncertainty, and chaos. Taking a little time off to set your mind free and then letting back to your regular routine will provide a comforting sense of structure and normalcy. Be a little patient and let the time heal your wounds.

Remember, the journey can be long but there’s no race or competition; it’s a journey with yourself. There will be moments when you will feel better and strong and the next moment will bring you back to your knees. You may feel that you’re making no progress but it’s not true. Progress is being made every day you choose to not call the one who left you.

Published by Sadaf Alvi