Hello everyone, I know that I haven't written anything in a while but I'm back for now! I feel like this month has been very trying and genuinely just hard. I feel like I've been doing a pretty decent job at getting through it which is a big step for me so I thought that I would go through how I got through my recent struggle which may help you since everyone goes through their own. May was a month of obstacles which produced a lot of negative emotions like sad and pity which I will admit are my go to emotions probably because I don't want others to feel that way about me so I do it for myself instead! That probably sounds really stupid, huh? Oh well, regardless as I have started reflecting over the past 31 days since it's thankfully the end of the month,, it's true but it's a pattern of mine that needs to be broken to make it easier for me to get through certain struggles better and I'll get into that later because I want to start off positive first.  So, one of the struggles that I have been facing since the beginning of May which is my dad being in jail and that''s how I started my month of May unfortunately finding that out. He's been in there pretty much this whole month.and it's the longest that he's been in there that I can remember and we're pretty close so it's been different and uncomfortable for me dealing with his current absence in my life right now. He was my best friend at one point but he is still my buddy that I vent and complain to when I'm fed up and laugh with on good days and just trying to motivate him to be his best self everyday because he struggles with his own issues. When I got the news that day, it was evening so I cried a small amount and I was only bummed for that evening and the next day.which whoever really knows me knows how big of a step that is for me. That next day I was still sad because one of my closest friend was behind bars but I had an epiphany and made my heart and my mind have a conversation with each other. My mind said Jamesha, you cannot choose to stay sad because of someone else's decisions that they made with their own mind that you had absolutely nothing to do with, You didn't do anything wrong so why are you holding onto the feelings of the repercussions so deeply? My heart quickly answered because I love him and my mind responded well that's great but they made that choice and even though it wasn't a good one, it's not your fault or for you to internalize and in the nicest way possible, it's simply not your problem. You have enough of those on your own that actually do belong to you so why add more? Just don't, your mind makes everything like this sound so simple, huh? Don't worry, I know when your heart is involved, nothing logical is easy so I am not saying that it is. My mind also said that if you know that God has a plan and everything that happens is apart of it then why are you upset something that was SUPPOSED to happen? Bad choices are things that everyone needs to experience and sometimes, the people who we love have to hit rock bottom in order to start going up. Yes, it probably sucks to watch but one of you in the relationship needs to be happy and at that point, it's probably not gonna be them unfortunately. Be happy because it's not you dealing with the consequences of a bad decision that you have made and you needing to learn a lesson THIS time! I believe that it's ok to think this because it's ok to be thankful for a break especially since we all get to take turns and DON'T think that your turn isn't on its way back especially probably much sooner than you'd like. You should also be happy because hopefully whatever situation that they are going through is finally going to teach them the lesson that they need to learn or they will either hit their rock bottom if needed so that they can only go up. So, that's exactly what I did by telling myself that the happy one is probably not going to be him regarding his current circumstances so it's going to be me which is ok and I was only sad for only about a day and a half because that's all I allowed myself. Personally, I think this is the first step and the best way to accept or get through something is by letting yourself feel however your heart genuinely feels because it's important to acknowledge in order to completely leave it behind without it demanding your attention because of your lack of closure internally. I am definitely not gonna tell you not to cry it out if you feel the need or the urge to because I cry a lot in order to deal with my life struggles and not ashamed at all. I also wrote him his first letter in jail and I thought I would breakdown and just cry the whole time but I chose to be happy and positive because of all of the things that I couldn't do, the least I could do is spread happiness and positive vibes as well as some things that he needed to hear instead of feeding into his negativity or sadness. One thing that you have to know and remember is that people who have a hard time dealing with their own struggles like to feed people into their sadness and pity parties including yourself (btw, yes including yourself as in we feed into our own sadness by focusing on it longer than we should which creates pity parties that we gladly engage in) so the next important step is to stay positive and productively busy so you don't even have or wish to have the time for that. I definitely said productively busy for a reason which is because activities like taking college classes, writing a book working, at a job that you enjoy or entertaining a hobby are much more likely to keep you happy that you're busy doing them unlike drinking or partying. The third step is to pack your patience because regardless of if you're ready or not, the obstacle course is still coming so you might as well be mentally calm or secure through it and not have a heart attack over what might be impossible to get over or get through. Fourth step goes with the third one which is pack your faith whether it's in God, yourself or the universe because the journey or process of getting through your struggle won't be easy. When you hit the potholes, dead ends and have to become mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically fit in order to overcome your own personal obstacles (which you definitely will), you have to faith in knowing that regardless of all of the bumpiness, you WILL conquer this and be happy and even more so happy because you know how to be even more thankful for the beauty after the storm! I practiced these steps a week or two ago because I had to experience my own personal struggle of getting a new wheelchair which is a pretty big issue because change is so stressful for me. I don't do well with change in the slightest bit which is probably not good but it is what it is because of my past. The morning that I was getting my chair, I packed my patience and it started to kick in after I ate lunch (before that I was a little emotionally unstable and freaking out because I was hangry and wanted food) and I also packed my faith in the fact that it was going to be one day only and over tomorrow. It was one day of my life and I knew that better days were coming literally the next day or a good day could be made after they left because it wasn't going to last all day because people also have lives and need to go home to theirs thankfully so the struggle or situation won't last forever! My last step for you all and myself is self reflect on each process that you go through with each struggle that you face meaning to really analyze your decisions to see if they were the right ones and if they weren't then figure out why it didn't work. You're not going to approach every situation appropriately or react how you probably should have but that's ok because that is how you learn what you can do differently and change when you face the same situation or a similar one next time! I know that I typed and maybe ranted a lot to make you happy but if you read this to the end then thank you very much and I hope that it helps you. Comment below and tell me how you get through the struggle of your life and let me know if this helped in any way. 

Published by Jamesha Kirkland