I woke this morning feeling anxious. Rushing the boys to school I found myself yelling at them, yelling at the dog, yelling at myself (not out loud of course). Mostly I was deriding myself for yelling. For not having patience. For feeling out of control.

This is a common theme in my brain. To yell at myself. I find ways of reminding myself on a regular basis all of my flaws. I wanted to crawl out of my skin or just hide from the world that way no one else would be subject to said flaws. Where is the love people??!

When I got home from the bus stop, I knew something had to change and meditation often helps quiet my mind yet all I could think about was how busy I was going to be and how could I possibly find the time? It reminded me of a quote (by an unknown author):

You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes a day, unless you are too busy – then you should sit for an hour.

So, I sucked it up, sat in my closet (it’s where my altar is) and meditated. For an hour. It was enough. Enough to remind me that I am enough. Enough to remind me to slow down. Enough to remind me that now is all that matters. Enough to remind me that I am loved and worthy of being loved. Enough to remind me to be compassionate with myself and love myself with all of my being.

Enough to remind me that this detox is my way of showing that love. It is my way of saying to my body, “I have treated you poorly in the past. I am sorry. I understand that the dis-ease is a reflection of those choices I have made. For that I am sorry. I forgive you and I love you. I want to make this right.”

Most importantly the meditation was enough to allow me to look in the mirror and say, “I love you Melinda. I forgive you.”

And that is enough.

*Originally posted at https://eatwhatyouknow.wordpress.com

Published by Melinda Schmitt