I have a great family, 2 houses which i both call home, some lovely friends, and a great base on the internet. I have just graduated from secondary school and in 2 weeks I will be an University Student. Live should be great right? Than why don't I feel happy?

 A few days ago a friend started talking to me about being happy and enjoying life. He is 20, very handsome, has a job, lots of friends. He also is smart, creative and one of the funniest people I've ever met. He told me that he doesn't feel happy. Although everything seems fine in his live, there are some little things that keep bothering hem. Things that would probably seem to small to bother you, but if you ad them all up together, it is just one big mess off all those little things. 

He told me that he doesn't have anything to live for. I was shocked hearing this, because I always thought he really liked his live and all the opportunity's he had. When i asked him what the problem exactly was, he couldn't give me a real answer. He said he felt like he had no goal in his live, that coffee is why he gets out of bed every morning, and that I am one of the reasons he is still alive. 
It confused me, why would i be one of the reasons he is still alive? It's not like he loves me.. so then what does he mean? He later told me he meant that he didn't want me and his other friends ,and of course family, feeling upset about him not being there anymore. That was the only reason why he wouldn't commit suicide. 

Everything he said made me think about my own live. After a while I figured he was right, I am not really happy too. I show almost everybody this happy girl living her life, but somewhere deep inside this isn't the truth. I am not happy about the way I look, I am not happy about how insecure I am and always have been. I am not happy about how upset I can get when I find out someone has been lying to me all this time. I wish I didn't care about what people think of me. I am not depressed or anything, but it is just weird to find out that the only reason why you're still here, is to make others happy. Right now I am not making myself happy and that is what I am going to change and so is he.

We decided that as soon as possible we should see each other again. (that's always a bit hard when you don't live in the same country.. ) I hope that in a few weeks or months I can tell you that we both are actually happy. Or at least happier. 

With love,


Published by Hailey Martin