I’ve always been that girl with a big heart. I care so incredibly. When I love, I fall completely , fully and fearlessly. And when my heart is broken, I forgive, let go and continue loving because that is who I’ll always be.

I believe in big love. I believe in forever relationships

It’s not out of weakness. In fact, sometimes I feel that to love is my greatest strength. Its not because I am fragile or terrified to lose the people and the memories in my life. But it is because I cannot be one of those people who turn off the ‘stop caring’ with a click of a button.

I am not the girl with a fuck it attitude. I cannot say fuck it to love, fuck it to sex and fuck it to relationships.

I have to admit that I have tried to be the ‘cool-chill girls’. The girls who don’t give a fuck about anything and anyone. I turned myself off and let the world eat me. I bit my tongue, I hid my emotions. I pretended not to care. I’d gone stone cold. 

It was a real struggle. It turned me into someone I’m not, a version of myself which was unrecognizable.

I began to see the changes occurring in all aspects of my life: my friendships, my performance at school, and my relationship with family. I felt so distant from my own world. I disconnected myself from everyone, and I found myself alone.  

I then realized being the type of girl who doesn’t give a fuck is even more difficult. It’s no place for a girl with too much of a heart.

I’m strong in my own ways, but I’m sensitive. I think about what other people feel because I feel everything so deeply. 

So I’m here to say; don’t try to change in the face of tough times. Never let the world cheat you from who you truly are, and certainly do not allow anything to turn your soft into something unrecognizable and hard.

I will love without hesitations and regrets because I believe in love. I will show my emotions, cry if I must and yell if I want. And care more that I probably should.

Even if you wear some of the thickest skin, you are not invincible to all of the world’s pain. Nobody is.

I give so many fucks, and I want you to know it’s okay if you do too.


Published by Doreen Eshinali