"I Don't Know What To Do"

 

Its funny how all you do in life goes unnoticed
Its weird how all you want to do is be noticed,
and loved by those you hold dear but all they do is
judge you and smear your name in the sand and dance
around your world like you are less than...
Enough

(whispers the voices in my head...."I Don't Know What To Do")

I have loved men from far and I love men that are near
and at the end of the day I still feel
alone...

I am in a never ending spiral of relationships that come with the same conclusion...
DRAMA!
And I don't know what to do...

I don't know how to feel or where to hide or where to start or how to end situations that are no good for, to me without hurting someone else's feelings...because......

Hurting people hurts me and I don't like the feeling...

I'm that fun loving girl, who does the goofy things to put a smile on your face when your feeling down around your place.

I am that girl who takes the pain away not inflict it, I don't want to be the mean girl I want to be the cool girl that everyone loves not hate...and yet....

I still don't know what to do....

Lord,

I just want to be happy, sane, and content in my home, I want to love and be loved, I want to feel that love overflowing within me. I want to feel free to love the one who loves me without the feeling of fear that he will some day in some way BREAK my heart as he and others have done in the past...
I feel like I get excited about life and the possible things that are to come my way and....

DePresSIoN comes in like a tone of bricks and knocks me right back down to....

Nothing...

(whispers the voices in my head...."I Don't Know What To Do")

I
Just
Want
To
Be
Stress
Free..
I want to be the me I was back in 93' the me that was carefree and didn't have a problem in the world
the me that was real and cool, sexy and fine all at the same time!

I want to be the me that everyone knew as the cool girl with the lazy eyes except they aren't lazy anymore. I just want to BE.... "M3"

I'm trying to get this college thing done so I can make the life I see in my mind a reality and yet I keep getting hit with all of these obstacles that aren't even mine. I keep getting the end of a barrel that doesn't even belong to me...I feel like Fading Away....

I have issues on top of issues and those issues aren't even mine but at the same time how can I turn my back on someone who says their heart is mine.... for the keeping!?

My mind is in rambles and my heart is a mess, why do I keep dealing with shit like this...I want to scream but what will that do.... Lord I am trying to scream out to you... I feel lost and confused and stuck in a rut I am so tired of life kicking me in the butt....

My heart is skipping and my breathing is a mess

I just I just...

Social Butterflyy
 

Published by Life of a Unique Woman