I graduated from college exactly one year ago and I am still not sure of what I want to do. 

 

There. I said it. How's life looking for me right now, you might ask? Eh. I think about my college life often, that's for sure. Living in Miami, Florida with my best friends for four years were some of the greatest times of my life. But college life ended, my friends each got jobs or went to graduate school all over the US, and I eventually ended up moving back home with my parents to Puerto Rico.

 

It's been hard to adjust to my new life, I'm not going to lie. Living with my parents is "SO" not the same as living with my friends. Heh, go figure. But I can't complain. I am fortunate enough to be in a situation where I don't have to go crazy job-searching right now, my parents don't make me pay rent, and they pay for my food. However, if you were to ask me two weeks ago if I was happy with where I was, even with my parents' support, I would have replied with a massive N-O.

 

I had this huge societal pressure that I had to either go straight to graduate school or get a job fresh out of college. I had this image in my head that by now I should have already finished my first year of graduate school, or medicine school, or whatever school. But that's what screwed me up the most. The picture in my head of what I thought things should be for me. And when things didn't go as planned, when that picture in my head just wasn't happening, and when I realized that maybe, just maybe, I didn't have the slightest idea as to what I wanted to do for a career, my ego took a huge hit.

 

It wasn't until I accepted my situation and let go of what I thought society expected from me that I felt like I was able to move forward. And let me tell you, there is unbelievable power in letting go. And there is also unbelievable power in simply not giving a flying *bleep* what other people think. We live in a fear-based society that tends to give weird looks to people who do not go to college right away, who fall in love and marry young, who want to pursue music or acting, who graduate from college without a clue as to what they want in life. Quitting a mediocre job to go after what you want when you have two kids to look after is often seen as irresponsible and reckless. Until you succeed, of course. Then you're seen as someone worthy of admiration. (I am generalizing, of course. There are definitely people out there who cheer on such brave souls.)

 

If you were to ask me two weeks ago if I was happy with where I was, I would have replied with a massive N-O. But if you were to ask me now, as I am typing from the comfort of my childhood bed in my parents' house, a cup of fresh brewed coffee in hand, and the realization that I don't have to feel ashamed if I am taking a bit longer than expected to find my way, I would tell you that I am. I very much am.

 

Until next time,

Pao.

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