Originally posted at https://hmmkiki.wordpress.com/2016/10/01/i-guess-its-a-part-of-the-future-i-so-crave/?preview=true

Recently as I've been in Spain preparing to start teaching (and having started) I keep reflecting on what I want for the future and the kind of positivity I need around me. My sleeping problems have relaxed somewhat, I'm just awake at 6 am now and scroll through my social media which is why I think this way and am excited for marrying the man for me.

I was going to type, "The One", but I've come across a few one's that could have fit the bar but they just weren't for me. I don't mean we've been in relations, but just from conversation you can open up to some people and see them for who they are and want to become. I've definitely met wonderful guys and that's why I very rarely bash men, why bash the very gender I want to grow old with and help raise children with?

Here goes though.

To the man for me,

I look froward to meeting you. I look forward to being your personal ET (the motivational speaker) for every storm that life throws at us. I'm ecstatic to see the God in you as I've been praying for you since I was 15. I'm now 24 and have prayed harder for you recently and even got teary thinking about the potential journey you may be on to get ready to join with me and 'deal with me'. No, I'm not a typical black woman that needs dealing with, but I'm cheeky and smart and not many men around me can challenge that. I'm often told that I'm a little too strong mouthed for some guys, that even my friends think I could date but would offend them somehow.

I date. I date in different countries and I look t different types of men. I could date all these guys and have fun and I hope you'd never see my string of dates as nonsense. I'm looking for what I want and learning about what potentially you could be like and how I could deal with that. I will never respect a man that hits a woman, and so help me God I will kill the man that thinks he could ever get physically aggressive with me. I believe in peace and I need harmony, so arguments don't work with me. I need for you to understand that sometimes I'm wrong and I will admit that, but sometimes you're wrong and I will need to see you not be filled with testosterone led ego and be logical.

As I build and get my (next) car, save for my house to then join with your house, I hope you to are doing the same. I've seen the power of a praying couple and desire for you to be the head of the household so that I can back that. If our kids ever come with some cheek, trust me they will know you are their dad and what dad says goes. I imagine our kids to be pretty wonderful and filled with the best of our qualities and for them to not be greedy like me- be prepared for a wife that loves to eat! I'm so pro melanin that I do want to see some chocolate skinned babies, but if you're not on my end of the spectrum I'll still love you. You'll still be my king and I'll still be your queen. God made us from dust, he shaped me from you and placed me at your side to balance you.

I can't wait to cuddle up in bed and look at the sunset with you. I can't wait to not feel slightly unsupported, discouraged, made to feel crazy and alone in this world. I look forward to them good nights, the fruits of my yoga classes and drenching PT Muscle Fitness classes to come through and pillow talks! Christian yes but there's some dances I can only do with my husband,some slow wines and hip movements that will only be revealed past the glory of the honeymoon threshold. I suppose our spirits will recognise each other first, I hope yours gives me that cake feeling. Please like fitness and adore cooking for me, oh please else I'll return you to sender my dear. But if we've dismissed each other due to friendships and situationships then I hope we both get right real quick so we can live life together and travel the world.



Your cake loving, future best friend for this life xx

Published by Kirah Grand