I Have Not Always Been a Wife


Young girls at pure adolescence on up to grown women are emotional creatures when the right and wrong buttons are pushed.  While sitting around with a few colleagues during our planning period the topic of marriage came up.  With the exception of one man in the room, there were three women and two men exchanging laughter about the dynamics of marriage.  I felt that it is only right to put things into perspective for young women who are unattached and are confused as to why.

Friend Zone: Being in the friend zone is probably the worse feeling in the world because the one guy you want to like you, likes someone else.  The chemistry between the two of you is natural and easy going.  The term “bestfriend” is thrown around loosely when deep down inside someone on the other side of the friendship wants more.  They may not want more now, but at some point you (ladies) or one of your friends have stared at a guy long enough to daydream about how things could be.  So it is very hard to tear away from wishful thinking.  But stop wasting your time wanting more than friendship because it’s not going to happen.  It will upset you, but this way you won’t lose a friend by forcing something that was never promised.

Side Chick:  One of my crazy colleagues pulled up a meme with the most ridiculous line ever, “I’ll rather be a side chick to loyal ni**a”.  That line alone blew my mind.  Now ladies, we have all been the side chick whether we knew it or not.  Sadly, some women enter into the role happily.  Smart women learn to not be available to a man, who is not available us.  You can’t help if a man lies, but you can make the choice to value yourself more than the man that is using you.  Choose to be the one and only, not the one when it’s convenient.  You’ll be angry and learn the meaning of, “You lose them how you get them” all too quickly.

Girlfriend: When we get with someone and everything seems right, we are head over heels in love with our boyfriends.  It is so much fun in the beginning, but you have to question do his intentions and actions match?  Listen to some of the men around you talk...you will be surprised at the qualities that men really look for in a woman.  Boyfriends know that they are temporary by their actions and by what you put off.  I’m not knocking ladies who have been with a guy for years, but at some point you have to decide if you want more.  The new way of thinking in relationships says that a man knows in six months if he wants to be with you long term or not.  Ladies it’s time to put an alarm clock on on your heart to wake up at six months.  Stop being the girlfriend performing wifely duties.  You’ll cry a river when the relationship ends, but the right man won’t intentionally break your heart.

Wife: This is the ultimate prize!  We have all been through the friend zone, side chick, and girlfriend phase, but there is nothing like being a wife.  I have not always been a wife, but the feelings I have about this title in my life is absolutely phenomenal.  Yea sure I’ve been married before, but getting married at 32 (August 6, 2014), is way different than when I got married at age 21 in 2003.  I heard from the men in the room how they deal with their wives today as we were having a laughable conversation about how arguments go once the ring is on your finger.  The level of commitment in marriage is admirable by those who take the time to learn, grow, trust, and listen to their partners indiscriminately.  In marriage you will cry, you will laugh, but you will love stronger.  This time around in marriage I’m learning a lot about compromise, forgiveness, and patience.  I guess that comes with age and experience.  Not everyday is sunshine, but this coveted place in a man’s life is desired by many.

~LaTilya Rashon

Photo credit: jcoterhals via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

Published by LaTilya Butler