I Married You not your Family and Nine other Relationship Myths that will ruin your Marriage: Review by Kayode Gideon Balogun
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The Author; Dr. Linda Mintle is an American clinical social worker specialized in Marriage and Family Therapy with over two decades of experience.
The 241-page book has 12 chapters that enunciated various factors and elements that can positively or negatively impact marriages. The book is intended by the author to divorce-proof your marriage.
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Here are the 10 myths discussed in the book and their corresponding truths:
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Myth 1: Marriage is a contract
Truth 1: Marriage is a covenant designed by God
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Myth 2: I married you not your family
Truth 2: You don’t marry only your spouse – you get a package deal
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Myth 3: I can change my spouse
Truth 3: You can change only your part in the dance
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Myth 4: We are too different
Truth 4: Incompatibility or differences do not kill a relationship. How you work out those differences is what counts.
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Myth 5: I have lost that loving feeling and it is gone, gone, gone!
Truth 5: That loving feeling can be restored
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Myth 6: A more traditional marriage will save us
Truth 6: God’s intention is gender equality
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Myth 7: I cannot change. This is who I am, take it or leave it.
Truth 7: I can change, but it requires desire, obedience and power
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Myth 8: There has been an affair. We need to divorce.
Truth 8: Affairs are serious and damaging, but not beyond repair and reconciliation.
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Myth 9: It doesn’t matter what I do; God will forgive me.
Truth 9: Receive God’s grace with a repentant heart
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Myth 10: It is too broken. Nothing can fix this relationship.
Truth 10: It is never too late because nothing is impossible with God
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Linda, in chapter 7 cited Gottman’s four relationship killers to articulate the reasons why spouses grow apart from each other. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
Each Myth/Truth discussion ends with Healthy Marriage Strategy suggestions that I found really helpful.
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I recommend the book to newlyweds and the long married. If read before marriage, it could be boring and unreal. Singles can certainly get the book in anticipation of married life; a time when the essence of the book will be a realism.

Published by Kayode Gideon Balogun