Since I was young I was brought up with Christian values, I would attend Sunday school until I was around 5 and after that I attended a Catholic primary school. We would have mass once a month and confessions etc. But I still never really believed in God. My mother is a christian and believes in God, she never forced me to go to church or to believe, she let me make my own decision. 

I have always considered myself atheist.  I would maybe go as far as agnostic as I sometimes do believe there could be another force or some supernatural entity that controls fate etc. I still don't know myself what I believe or not. Yet I still find myself praying to a God or entity that I do not believe in. For me, there is no plausible way that a God can exist. 

 

Then why do I pray? If I believe they won't be heard or answered, to pray to no one. 

 

I don't pray for good fortune to myself or ask for anything to do with me. I pray for others. I see people, my friends and family struggling to find strength sometimes, whether that be financial, emotional or physical struggles. I pray they find strength to get them through this difficult time. I pray that their pain will not last. 

 

Why? (I find that I ask myself this question a lot)

 

Because I really dislike feeling helpless, I like to make a difference, to help, to support those in need. So when I feel helpless, by praying it reassures myself that maybe I have done something to help those I care about. Maybe that is a selfish reason to reassure myself and make me feel better. But if and when I do pray I do feel a sense of security and faith. I don't pray everyday or week. I pray when it's needed, whether that's once a month, once a year, I don't keep track. 

I have a better understanding of religion and why people reach out to a God. I know that my friends and family reading this will probably think I'm daft or a little surprised that I pray. As I do go on about how I am atheist and honestly, don't think I will be converting any time soon! But I don't think its anything to do with religion, it is more about feeling strength and power when there is none. To feel that you've helped when your helpless. One less thing to worry about in such a busy fast paced society. I pray as being brought up in a Christian society that to pray is the done thing to do, you see it in films and in media. So to me it seems like a viable way to help people, until I have the power and tools to help those in need in a more sufficient real way. I pray because I do not keep a diary, I pray as it allows me to feel in control of my situation, to feel I have helped those in need. 

Published by Katy-Jane Pitt