I’ve always believed that if you don’t get too close to anyone then you won’t end up getting hurt. If you give someone your emotions and your heart there’s always the chance that they’ll use it against you,so why even risk it? I push people away because I know I get easily attached and it might sound selfish, but I just want to protect myself. I’ve let so many people into my life, thinking they’d be there for the long run, and they’ve just walked right out with almost no explanation. I’ve learned that I need to leave before I am left.

I don’t just push people away to protect myself. I do it to protect everyone else I come in contact with. I push people away because I know they deserve better. I come with a lot of baggage that no one but me should have to deal with. I know that if things get bad I’ll end up dragging the people I’m closest to, down with me. How is that fair? They didn’t ask to be involved in my mess. They didn’t ask to be involved in this chaos. So, the moment I start to feel myself getting attached I start to close myself off. I’ll start to take offense to comments that I would usually not think twice about or I’ll start to overthink and overreact to something that is completely insignificant. Once I do this, they start to see how messed up I actually am and they make a clean break.

I don’t know why I do this. It’s not like I want to, but it’s almost become a personality trait of mine that I can’t shake. I don’t want to push people away, I just don’t want anyone, including myself, to get hurt.

I’m sorry.

Published by Megan Wong