I originally wrote this post following the Boston Marathon bombing. The message is still relevant and very much how I live my everyday life. Although it may come across as cold, it is filled with such love and compassion. I am so deeply and completely in love with my children that I can not, under any circumstances ask them to shoulder a burden that is not theirs to bare.

When I became a mother I knew my most important job was to make sure my children never doubted my love. In case there ever came a time when I could not care for them, I needed them to have the confidence that I love them through all of eternity.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I knew I had to make a choice to not allow cancer to take away any more of their childhood after their innocence had already been lost through divorce, and the loss of four pregnancies. I had to devote myself to being the best mom I could be, under any and every circumstance. My children need to know that my love for them is larger than life, and definitely more powerful than death.

What follows is the original post.

I feel sympathy for those in Boston. I was appalled at Sandy Hook Elementary. Our world will never be the same again after 9/11. These things are facts. I cannot imagine the thought process that goes through the mind of a person or organization to cause such destruction.

Some of the prevailing thoughts people speak are to hug your children closer, remember to tell your loved ones how you feel, call your parents.

I REFUSE to hug my children tighter in the wake of a tragedy. I refuse to call my parents just because of somebody else’s destruction. I refuse to watch on TV as the world gawks at the carnage.

My kids are my life…the beat in my heart, the blood in my veins. My parents did the best job raising us kids they knew how to do given the circumstances they were dealing with at the time. My parents and my children know I love them. I do not need 140+ people injured to remind them. I do not need to hug my children more than usual because 26 people are murdered.

I hug my children every chance I get, I have no idea how long I have with them, they could be taken from me today for all I know. What I do know, for a fact, is that I have shown them every ounce of love that I feel for them everyday, in every way I know how. I hold nothing back when it comes to showing them love. To suggest somebody hug their children closer tonight implies that they hold back affection for special circumstances I have no interest in this.

In my opinion, people/parents who feel the need to hug their children closer in the wake of unspeakable terror are fulfilling their own selfish needs, not those of their children. Children need to feel secure, children need to know that Mom and Dad will do everything in their power to keep them safe. They do not need their world and the people around them to fall apart when tragedy strikes, they need those around them to be strong, supportive, productive.

I’m not saying they shouldn’t see their parents upset or cry, the exact opposite, children who see their parents express emotions freely learn that emotions are okay.

So please STOP hugging your kids closer when tragedy strikes, hug them hard, hug them often…hug them for no reason at all. Never leave a doubt in their mind how you feel about them.

I know there are times when my youngest son needs more cuddles. When he is insecure, hurting, or ill he needs his Mama's touch. That is my job. To make him as secure and to feel as loved as possible. It is not his job to take care of me. My oldest boy needs Mom to do something for him when he is feeling out of sorts. He needs to know that certain things will remain constant and that Mom will always go the extra mile.

These boys are becoming very much in tune with their feelings and needs. One day when the older boy dumped something on the living room floor, he claimed he was stupid and while I was trying to calm him I shouted, "Do you want my help or are you just going to be an ass?"

"I want help but I don't know how to ask for it!" He shouted back at me.

OK...ok, well, we can handle that. I got up from where I was sitting, I stood in front of him and calmly explained that spilling whatever it was did not make him stupid, and that I have a report card to prove he is not stupid. I never want that negative internal dialogue to become permanent in his brain. I want to make sure that his go - to thoughts of himself are positive and loving. Life is tough enough as it is, he needs to learn to be his own best friend.

It is an ongoing process. Every interaction I have with them is an opportunity to shape their internal dialogue. Every time we part ways is a chance to remind them that my love goes with them.

Published by Debbie W