This morning is White Rabbits.

What’s “White Rabbits”?

The first of the month. It’s a superstition. For luck.

How silly.

It’s not ‘silly’. My grandfather used to text or email all seventeen (17) of his grandchildren on every first of every month. No matter where we were; Germany, Thailand, Australia, the UK, Ireland – right beside him, even.

Oh, right. 

Yes. It was his way of letting everyone know that they were loved, no matter where they were in the world. It was also a competition – we’d all seventeen of us, and even his five children, try to text him before he got to us. He’d make up all these rules about how you could never text before 0800 GMT – I travelled a lot – we all did – so I’d try to catch him out with my own rules… Alas. He never took the bait. He always won. But he always, always loved us.

Sounds like a really cool grandfather!

Yes. He’s dead now.


Oh for goodness sake, don’t get awkward. Yes, I miss him every day. We all do. It was a year and a half ago now – you’d think we’d be ‘over it’. But he was the head of our tribe. He was… He was just so incredibly wonderfully… him.

Anyway… Anyway. White Rabbits, my darling reader. This morning marks a new beginning in many ways. I am starting to play my mother’s weird household game and trying to get out of here within the next week or two, because it’s clear she wants me gone and it’s been made known to me that my eldest sister and she have been mercilessly bitching behind my and another sister’s back. That apparently we’re poison, and narcissists. And apparently we’re trying to ruin the bond between my mother and her youngest, who despises her purely because she is not an idiot and sees how selfish she acts. I won’t get into too many details right now, dear reader, but rest assured Scarlett Black is looking after herself, and is growing thicker and thicker skin by the day. I will not be defeated, I will stand tall, I won’t give up or give in, and I won’t let two whinging white women determine my happiness or emotional stability.

White Rabbits, motherfuckers.


Published by Jessica Young